So you spend all day listening to other people whine about their problems, but as a psychologist a great way to unwind is to hit the town and try to pick up some ladies or gents or both. It’s also an awesome way to give someone more problems to take to a psychologist! Score! Keepin’ the profession alive!
“Sex is on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Care to help me self-actualize?”
“You remind me of my mother…”
“This isn’t just any cigar.”
“Are you happy to see me, or is that just a defense mechanism?”
“When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?”
“Baby, do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?”
“I’d compare you to my mother, but I don’t want to go down that Freudian slippery slope.”
“I’m a screamer, but don’t worry. The more people hear me scream, the fewer will care.”
Say, baby, when you dream, do you ever dream about waves crashing on a beach?
The waves represent my penis. The beach represents your unconscious yearning for my penis.
“I’ll be a prisoner, you be a guard. Abuse me!”
“”You’re into threesomes? Great, ’cause I’ve got split personality.”
“Are you real, or are you a delusion? Either way, nice tits.”
“Do come lay on my couch… With me.”
“Hey babe, want me to penetrate you exactly 62 times?”
“Who’s your daddy? Do I remind you of him?”
“Why don’t I show you my giant inkblot, and you can tell me what you see?”