I almost never hear anything when people sing. It’s all Charlie-Brown’s-Teacher noises until the song ends. Wa wama wa wa. But with some songs, it’s worse than others, to the point that I start to suspect that they’re doing it deliberately.
Let me clarify. I’m not talking about Mondegreens. I’m not talking about Fuck It’s an Owl. I’m not talking about “Good King Wenceslas Lost his Crown”. I’m talking about cases where I don’t just mishear words. When I don’t hear anything. And I secretly suspect that’s because, with most of these, there aren’t actually any words.
| Smells Like Teen Spirit
Nirvana’s most indecipherable masterpiece not only includes normal Mondegreens like “Low dud cock duds, bing defense is fuzz to live two pat ends,” and “Webby laster, and sustainer, ewwy on a, head container,” but also has a refrain that sounds like it’s being sung by a man who lacks a mouth and is holding his nose. Ehhwo, ehhwo, ehhwo, eh wo WAGGAYAGA. WAGGAYAGA. WAGGAYAGA. WAGGAYAGA. |
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Anyone who claims that they know the words in the falsetto part is a rotten liar and not to be trusted. I will stop being friends with you if you say this, or attempt to sing along. I firmly believe that Stairway to Heaven is just a Rorschach test for ears, and for ages Led Zeppelin has been collecting data on us, for nefarious purposes.
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| Barbara Ann
Nevermind that Bob Baran, Director of Sales at Clark’s Ventilation, Topeka, is just not a good topic for a song. The Beach Boys are at the center of a conspiracy to convince us all that going “bababa” is talking. I don’t know what the point of this conspiracy is, but they definitely recorded this song on a sound stage in Arizona. Baaah baaah baaah, ba Bob Baran |
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| Beethoven’s Fifth
Is it just me or are there no words in this song ANYWHERE? What is it with Germany and incomprehensible lyrics? It’s almost as if we’re not speaking the same language as those idiots. Jesus, Beethoven–what are you, deaf? |
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There’s no way that there are actually any more words to this song than “supermassive black hole” and the occasional “ooh, baby”. The rest is just glorified squeaking and growling (and the occasional, rare, squeegrowl). Hey, Muse–it’s called a talk box. That means you should be TALKING into it. Huuhhhhh, oouh, ooooeah, is suka sola SUPERMASSIVE BLACK AGHHHH. SUPERMASSIVE BLACK AUGHHHH. SUPERMASSIVE BLACK HEEURURGUGRGHHH. SUPERMASSIVE BLACK COCK. |
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Tanzmetall listened to Supermassive Black Hole about four dozen times while writing this article. Allegedly it was “for research.” -Ed
