The Weirdest Spam Ever: The Search for Rhett Aderholt

A little while ago, a new account on Clunkline Forums posted this:

Hey…
by Speebyenano on 07 Dec 2009, 08:25

Hi!

Am fairly new to this community and just thought it would be a good idea to introduce myself and say “hello”.

For once a solid forum with colors that I can stare at – which really is a refreshing change!

I am here to learn & get involved. How could I best contribute?

Cheers!

PS: – I am attempting to locate a long lost friend by the name of Rhett Aderholt, Where could I search for him?

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Avocadro

Avocadro

“Special” Kitty Cat Litter

This was made many moons ago (when we were both in high school).

Hey! Leave my door penis alone!

Hey, leave my door penis alone!

Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

Groaty Dick.



According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π

Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW


300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

If the signs were true...

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Grabass_Champion's Engrish Adventures

Because of a backup snafu, the original Grabass_Champion’s Engrish Adventures lost all of its images, which were pretty much the entire joke therein. So now that the images have been rediscovered and some new content found, I’ve decided to be all post-modern and release Part 1 after I’ve released Part II.

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Night Shift Collages: Coffeehouse Edition

Inspired by the memory of compiling the original Night Shift Collages and the Scissorshop images with Burpen, I decided to make some of these during time in which I should have been doing useful things in school.

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Scissorshop

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A Sketch Of An Old Roommate

chris_b4_300px

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Night Shift Collages

This is what happens when you leave convenience store clerks alone with a bunch of newspapers.

Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

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An Open Letter to the Porn Star Lady

While I do appreciate the depth in which you feel things, specifically objects, more specifically plastic phallic objects, I do not understand why you feel the need to lick them in such a manner. While I am perfectly accepting of exploring oneself, I do not see the purpose in tasting oneself. If you happen to be in a lesbian experiment, and you wish to explore the flavors of your new friend, perhaps she would find it more reasonable to go straight to the source.

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KILL ‘EM ALL 2: The Deathening by Norm D. Apple

Exterior, Warehouse engulfed in flame

Our hero, Blaze McGunnz, is ducked behind a stack of CRATES clearly marked as “EXPLOSIVE AMMUNITION”. He is holding a chain gun in one hand and a morningstar in the other. On the other side of the crates, SNYDER and his gang of thugs are approaching, armed to the teeth.

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Rejected Patriotic UK Marching Songs of 1914

It’s A Long Way To Empress Augusta Viktoria of Schleswig-Holstein’s Vagina

And The Band Played ‘Das Panzerlied’

My Belgian Shell-hole

Torpedo Shim

In Here (Would be accompanied by pointing to one’s trousers.)

War Is Swell

Author’s note: War is all hell

Works scored for choir

Towards the end of 2009, up until the very, very end of 2009, I found myself working more-or-less frantically to finish a choral piece which I had told my great uncle I would finish by the end of the year. During some of the -or-less frantic parts, I managed to come up with some of these gems.

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