KILL ‘EM ALL 2: The Deathening by Norm D. Apple

Exterior, Warehouse engulfed in flame

Our hero, Blaze McGunnz, is ducked behind a stack of CRATES clearly marked as “EXPLOSIVE AMMUNITION”. He is holding a chain gun in one hand and a morningstar in the other. On the other side of the crates, SNYDER and his gang of thugs are approaching, armed to the teeth.

Snyder: You may have escaped in the last movie after blowing up my massive industrial complex and killing most of my men but you are mine now, Blaze!!

Blaze: Not a chance, faggot!

Snyder: Get him!

The Snyder gang rushes the explosive crate fort, shooting with their guns and shouting anti-semeitc slogans. One of the bullets whizzes past Blaze’s face.

Blaze: Now that is what I call a close shave.

Blaze stands up right in the face of a particular thug, Giles Archer. Giles came from a middle class family in northern Vermont. As a child, he would often play and frolic with the other children of the neighborhood, and his loving family supported him through his education and adolescence. After high school, Giles went to college at UVM. In junior year, he learned of one of his good friend’s experimentation with narcotics. After a while, he got involved. One thing lead to another, and at present Giles is getting his head knocked clean off by the morningstar.


Blaze opens up with the chain gun, and several bullets get lodged in the explosive crates. Within moments, the entire stack explodes, and Snyder gets a flaming log to the head.

Blaze: Go tell your employer, the mysterious Mr. Black, that he won’t get that fucking money from me! And also that if he touches my family again I’ll be eating one of his testicles for lunch!

Snyder: You may have won this round Blaze, but we will be back again with more backstory-ridden thugs to take you down and explode your hideout. Mr. Black is ruthless!

Suddenly, a black limo rolls up and up steps Mr. Black.

Snyder: Mr. Black!

Blaze: Mr. Black!

Mr. Black: Snyder! Blaze!

A moment passes.

Mr. Black: Blaze, you are very impressive. I’d like to extend an offer of employment to you.

Snyder: What?

Blaze: Shut up, you china-man!

Blaze shoots Mr. Black and Snyder runs away.


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