As the result of an alleged miracle, the likeness of Jesus Christ has been found in a pile of dog feces in the heart of the Vatican.
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farkle-farkle: Why is C-Span showing DC as if it’s in Pacific time? nervestaple: Because a major stipulation of the health bill was to put DC on rafts and float it off the coast of Los Angeles. Tanzmetall: Yeah, they’re gonna sink the poor areas and use them as underwater buttresses, to keep California from sliding into the ocean. Sgt. Earth: I hear that worked well for New Orleans. RIMSHOT. 
Shartie simulates a highly authentic skid mark on any undergarment, carpet, pet, or child you desire. It is compact enough to be taken anywhere, yet it is powerful enough to disgust anyone. This is due to its synthetic yet potently lifelike odor, which was engineered to be nearly indistinguishable from that of a real skid mark. Harness the power of believable, convenient, and permanent sharting! Order your Shartie today! Seriously. It’s really startin’ to get fucked. I know my stepmom’s a bitch, but that’s no excuse, really. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls who’ve had to clean the house. I guess that’s what I get for downin’ a fifth of Grey Goose before I got down to cleanin’ shit up. I’ve blacked out before, but that was a real dick move on her part to get the handyman to drag my passed-out ass into the fuckin’ woods. I was so paranoid that he was gonna try to kill me. When I came to I just started runnin’ like they lit a fire under my ass. I heard gunshots and a half an oink in the distance…
Twitter’s new side project, Shitter.com, recently went live. The new site was aimed for the “likes to microblog about pooping” demographic of Twitter users. In a press release last Thursday, Twitter said Shitter “would be lucky” if “even two or three” users sign up over the next year. Shitter has already secured advertising bids from Fiber One, Ex-Lax, and Pepto-Bismol. THE BOUNTY HUNTER GRIMLY Stared tadeusz down the barrel of his hackbow. It is the bounty hunter who is doing the staring, in case that wasn’t clear. Also, a hackbow is a crossbow that shoots hacksaw blades, if that wasn’t clear also. “Ha ha ha,” the bounty man said, inching hisfingers closer to the trigger, “I will collect lots of rupees for this fine catch?!” Tadeusz boredly examined his fingernails. “Ho hum,” said he. He was not concerned because he had A SECRET PLAN. Shhhh! Don’t tell the bounty hunter. |
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