Things not to show up with while couch surfing
Chainsaw (except in Vermont)
Children that clearly don’t belong to you
The head of a dead clown: “Hey! Me and Sparky wanna spend the night!”
Dressed in 250 lbs. of raw bacon
Balloon animals clearly made from Trojan XL condoms
A perfect wax replica of the person you’re visiting
Sparkplug from their car: “I thought we’d spend a lot of time together.”
Almost-empty bottle of Pepto-Bismol, a brown shirt stain, and no pants
My-sized barbie doll, and no pants
Bag of turtles
A bloody onesie and a broken claw hammer
Balloon animals clearly made from pig intestines
Their wife
A perfect wax replica of Richard Nixon
An angry monkey in a silly hat
Pants full to the brim with hot dogs and entrails (hey, at least you were wearing pants)
Balloon animals clearly made from lubricated spermicidal condoms
A wheelbarrow full of bricks: “There’s a puppy in here somewhere…”
A pair of scissors in an evidence bag, a fake physician’s license, and a deceased armadillo
A duffel bag clearly containing a live midget
A duffel bag clearly containing a dead midget
A hazmat suit, a fire hose, and a speculum
Balloon animals clearly made from human intestines
A perfect wax replica of Carrot Top
Leading a barber shop quartet of homeless people
All the silverware you’ve stolen over the years
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