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Mr. Metall, It is the finding of the IRS that your charity, Hugs for Slugs LLC, is in violation of multiple clauses of the U.S. Tax Code. For one thing, it is not a limited liability company at all, even though LLC is a part of its name. You claim that this stands for “sLLugs Can get hugs”, but we believe you are being deliberately misleading. Another pressing issue is that your charity does not so much provide hugs for slugs, as it launders money for the mob. Yargh its banana man, the best whose ever lived, here in your living room with that guy who invented the alternating current….Voltaire! He’s here telling me that anyone inscribed on a farragut pole is immediately immobilized for immolation. That’s bullshit! Everyone knows your yellow yuppies yearning to yap really relish ridiculous and alternating alliteration. INSERT QUIP HERE. That’s what she said?! Try tricking tardigrade. -Norm D. Apple
In light of tax day and the recent economic recession, Clunkline presents a special report on one area of the economy that is booming—usury. Why pay 200% APR on a reputable payday loan or even 25% on a credit card payment when you could pay 24.99% to get a loan from Tony Soprano? And why not? You’re good for it… aren’t you? AREN’T YOU!?!?!?! Anyone who has ever seen the mini series Hornblower would be able to tell you that particular production suffers from plot holes and character flaws evident to even the most uneducated Welshman. Here, I will try to reconstruct some of the most memorable scenes with realistic happenings and dialogue as opposed to the hack job written into the series. Enjoy! MesmericKiwi and I found a white erase board calendar sitting next to a chair in a campus eatery. We helpfully filled in a schedule for the benefit of the calendar’s owner, whenever they return for it.
Singleton, IDAHO Local man Gert Hafalacker today was lauded for having called it. “He said he was going to call it, then he did. Then it happened. That’s what tied it all together” said Hafalacker’s wife, Jola. “He was so happy with that” Local authorities have been investigating the accuracy with which Hafalacker had called it, and results looks very good. “Reports indicate that Gert here called it to within .0005% of a closeness unit” said Singleton’s Chief Occurrence Investigator, Frankliner Snowtop. An impromptu parade found Hafalacker being carried around on the shoulders of his neighbors, and the Mayor’s office declared the day in his honor. In other news, three banks were robbed and two homicides committed in Singleton while law enforcement was congratulating Hafalacker’s achievement. The Sun to me raised up her fiery head “Ah, but Sun,” I said, “How could this be done? My query she could not answer very well: Mister Moon arose from the clouds of pink. |
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