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For too long, we have suffered under various regimes whose priorities are utterly out of touch with the lives of normal Americans. It’s time to change that. Like you, I have a much more down-to-earth, everyman’s attitude when it comes to legislation. Here are the issues that are closest to my heart. Toilet Law I will support legislation making it your roommate’s job to plunge the toilet. I will veto your roommate’s insistence that it is your turn.
Nicholas Cage is one of those special things in life that makes me throw shoes at children yelling, “Why?! Sweet Jesus, why?!” Doesn’t help that he’s always wearing a shirt that reveals his body hair and a stupid grin, looking like a puppy caught mid-shit in your bedsheets. If you’re at all like me, you wonder several times a minute how this douche became the douche he is. Luckily, Clunkline’s scientists have studied The Cage for years searching for answers to the puzzle that is Nicholas Cage. Dear Tyler, At dinner with my boyfriend yesterday, he told me that he’s been in love with my sister for the past four years. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say. After a really long silence he got up and left. He didn’t even close the door on his way out! I’m confused because I still feel like I love him. Should I go after him and try to fix things, or should I just let him go? -Speechless in Sioux Falls Dear Speechless, What did you have for dinner? Was it veal? I’ve noticed that eating veal tends to really suck. For instance, my cousin Ben, he can’t hardly ever eat veal without getting the shits. Well, hope that helps! cLUNKLINE: PLEASING TO WELCOM TRAMADOL AMBASADOR HELLO TRAMADOL tRAMADOL: HELLO c: PLEASON TELL ABAOUT TRAMALAMADINGDONG t; OK TRAMADOL VERY GOOD DRUG FOR USE IN HUMAN/RHINOCEROS BUT LESS EXPENSIVE THAN NAME BRAND qUESTION: ARE CONTENT PILLS THE SAME?
PREVIOUSLY, ON LOST About four minutes pass while we see shit we’ve already obsessively watched four to six times. INT. THE JUNGLE – NOONISH A figure crashes through the jungle. the music tells us it is important We can’t see who it is INT. SUN’S GARDEN Sun is in her garden. CREAKY CRASHY She turns around to see who the creaky crashy is no one is there INT. THE JUNGLE CRASH SNAP BREAK go the twigs and branches, whoever it is, sure is runnin’. Meanwhile, the list of Guest Stars gives away that it is Mira Furlan’s character crashing through the underbrush. INT. SUN’S GARDEN Mira Furlan’s character (Rew Sew) crashes out of the underbrush. I am not wearing a bra. A giant “LOST” flies toward the screen to tell the audience that the characters are LOST just in case they forgot |
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