All these frats keep trying to Rush me, but man, I don’t know. I mean, one of my friends joined a fraternity and I thought it’d be cool, but then he apparently set some kind of world record for Vomiting Everywhere, I don’t know. It sounded pretty bad. And I know hazing is supposed to be illegal, but one friend of mine got hazed pretty bad and wouldn’t talk about it and I said, “Spill man, you’re acting like they put you through Chinese Water Torture,” and he just said, “They did” with this dead look in his eyes… and then he actually died… and I guess I felt like kind of a dick about that. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just don’t know if I want to get involved in Greek life.
Oh, but dude, Greek life is AWESOME! I mean, I’ve been a Greek for pretty much my whole life and I just love it to death. You get all this good food with grape leaves, filo dough, and feta cheese, and the Parthenon, and Dionysus. And there are gyros and olives everywhere. You should totally become a Greek. Here, hang on, I think I’ve got the citizenship applications on me… Aetoû gêras, korydoû neótēs, brah. Aetoû gêras.
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