Spring Break is over, but the SUPER PRIVATE times continue down on Gulf beaches as the Almost Naked Volleyball Championships get underway. And sometimes the co-ed teams wear SANDALS!!
“SANDALS are something that everyone can wear, male or female, no matter how much other clothing they are wearing at the time,” said New School ECE major Estan Huaraches. “You can even wear them over boots and that is even SEXYer than not wearing boots. SANDALS are so hottttt, they sometimes put me on fire.” FIVE Ts is how hottttt SANDALS are.
“I just love to watch the young co-eds jump around in their SANDALS,” said University of DuBois sophomore design major Richard Mules. “Because SANDALS have all the excitement of a natural disaster with none of the senseless deaths. Hooray for SANDALS!”
However, more conservative voices would call the SANDALS an AFFRONT TO VALUES. “I don’t see how you can call SANDAL-WEARING in the beach sunshine a sport,” said Carlow College music major Jañez Espadrilles. “It makes me sad inside and want to wither up near the cold clear water.” MORALS.
“According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a DYNAMO is a generator, especially one for producing direct current, or a person who is also like this,” says purchasing manager Oto Tatami. “It is this that defines the administration, it is good that nothing is any good with SANDALS.”
This article was originally published in readme’s Annual Sandal Issue, which is a joke on the Tartan’s Annual Scandal Issue, which is a joke on that time the Tartan did a thing with a thing. See, the Tartan can be funny sometimes!