March 25
These are the chronicles of the Monk Galangius, master scribe of the Hagia Sophia. In these volumes I will recount the times of struggle against the eastern horde threatening our shores and livestock. In these days, we have constructed a great chain which will stretch across the harbor to prevent the entrance of an enemy sea force. For a thousand years the walls of this city have prevented the entrance of any attacker, and the reserves of the forces are strong and willing. The sultans have no chance!
April 1
Forsooth! Yon chain did sink to the bottom of the harbor upon it being placed in the water. The imperator has declared that any flotsam be redirected for use in holding up the defensive device. Three barrels and one rowboat were dedicated.
April 5
Word of the eastern advance has scared the surrounding countryside into the city walls. Now we have but a few thousand sheep to eat during this siege. Several carrots were found in my room today. I will keep them secret.
April 6
One of the foot soldiers defecating over the wall this morning was the first casualty of this battle. An ottoman archer scouting the defenses spotted him and was able to ‘pretty much shoot straight up’. The man is recovering in wounded-barn.
April 14
Treachery! One of our defensive siege onagers, loaded with a lit fire-ball, did “fall apart” according to its captain, and have the ball roll backward into a tent full of powder. Reports say the explosion was heard across the Hellespont.
May 1
These terrific fag-heads have constructed a tower of siege by which they intend to breach the city walls. Naturally, we have been flinging excrement and stones at it. Little to no effect has been seen.
May 12
A boy has found my carrots and threatened to tell the captain of the watch. In the ensuing death-struggle I dispatched him with one of those very carrots, the first thing I could get my hands on.
May 15
Running out of ink to write with. Have eaten most of my remaining parchment. City morale low. Ottoman excrement flies over the battered walls constantly.
May 28
I have envisioned our escape from this hell. I will petition the governor to take the remaining horses and donkeys and strap to them each a keg of powder. The animals will be force fed shot as well. When we fling open the gates, the fire-beasts will run through the enemy lines, and our marksmen archers will launch flaming arrows at them. The resulting chaos should be sufficient to either mount a counter-attack or escape across the sea.
May 29
Plan semi-effective. Note: donkeys are scared when they see other exploding donkeys.
