Norm D. Apple presents: RISK, The Musical

Scene One – The Nations Emerge
Out march the Kings
I am the green King I am the green one
My provinces are far flung
From Alberta to Peru
Australia and Siam too!

Blue is better, I have Ukraine!
So large, so very very large
But I also have Japan
To get there I’ll need aaaaaa barge!

Red king will rule the world
Red king will kill you girls
Red king starts with Ural and Mid-East?!
Red king ready to give a whirl.

On march the troops
We are the troops
We are all the same
We don’t care if we live or die
Ten of us equals a cannon!
Troops Exeunt

Scene Two – War Starts
Kings, all together
So it is war you want? Wow!
We will se who wins
Time to roll the dice. Now!
Attack!

Kings and troops run around. There is also a horse. Lightning and thunder. Then they stop, green and red on one side, blue on the other.

Looks like I am on the attack,
You’ll all die I’ll see to that!
Fight til death or territory sack,
One man left? Stand fast!

Large prop dice fall from the heavens onto the board. Stage hands remove them.

A victory for Blue,
Haha on you!
Now we get a card,
Forever mine: Peru!

A blue troop brings the Blue King a large card. They turn it upside down and he stands on it.

Blue troops march in formation.
Fortification!
Fortification!
Three from South Europe to Egypt!

Blue King, majestically
I end my turnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Hold for applause

Scene Three – The Green King
Same chaos as before. Green is now alone.

Three armies are now there.
Three armies from the air.
Three armies to fight so fair!
To blue and red’s discouragement.

Three green troops are lowered down onto the stage.

Green King
Attack Kamchatka!

Green Troops
Kamchatka a-ha!
Kamchatka o-no!
Get in the barges
And row row row

Red Troops
There are the green troop scum,
Let us kill them! Ha-rum!
Aim the cannon so true
Next to defend: Blue!

The green troops are annihilated except one who limps back toward the green king.

My king, we failed!

Green King
My son, stand firm. Defend Japan from the evil red worm!
Next, a cow moo. I attack blue!

Green troops riding cattle overrun a group of blue troops.

Aha! Iceland is mine!

Green King, majestically
I end my turnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Hold for applause

Scene Four – The Red King
Same chaos as before. Red is now alone. The stage goes dark except for a single spotlight on the king.

Now it is my turn
To the world burn
And to it add spurn
Servant! Butter-churn!

A red servant brings the king his churn and he eats from it as the red troops march in goose step formation.

Attack! Attack! Mount bayonets and charge
What other orders but those from our sarge.

Scene Five – The End
All groups of troops attack each other in a frenzied mess. Eventually a booming green King screams above the lot.

You cheated! You cheated! There were not that many on Britain when I went to the bathroom!

Red King
I did not cheat! You are paranoid!
Go write a cartoon and print on celluloid!

Green King
Nuts to this!
Timpani roll
I’m going back home!

Large hands swing down from the heavens and knocks all the troops all over the stage. A map of the world in the background goes spinning.

All
Nooooooo You’ve ruined it all!
Why is this never fun at for anyone!

Lights dim
Exeunt