Quirks of My Diet, Part the First: Blood for Oil

Generally speaking, I think I eat fairly healthfully. I am wrong… having grown accustomed to eating only the mildest berries of the forest during my time in the Bio Brigades, “fairly healthy” for me is eating my bark and foliage with a little bit of cream. I jest, of course – I’m more of a nuts and berries kind of guy.

But! Every once in a while the siren call of the way I used to eat, and once in a maroon moon, I heed it. Tonight was one of those times. The siren in question, pleading her false case to my willing ears? Ach, the sailors speak of her only in whispered tongues… for she is the one known only as…

THE LADY OF THE DEEP………… FRY.

My mom used to make some very tasty fried chicken, it’s true. Her batter used buttermilk, cinnamon, either basil or oregano, and a little bit of hot sauce, then a little roll in flour, and turned out very well indeed. However, about six years ago I turned vegetarian, and as chicken is neither a vege-table nor a Liber-tarian (well, in most cases), I therefore do not eat it. This is not to imply that I do eat Liberatarians, it’s just a consideration.

But at some point, long after I had seen the high-cellulose light, I had the desire to make it again, but with tofu and vegetables. I believe the vegetables turned out better than the tofu, but it kinda worked. It however failed to be as good as I remembered it.

The thing is, the way my mom made it, she always patted the chicken dry after removing it from the boiling oil. This was to get rid of the extra oil, but I in my youthful hubris thought, “Gee, why would I want to do that?” The oil is, after all, part of what makes it good, and therefore more of it should be better, right? This, while mathematically sound, was unfortunately not even remotely true.

This wasn’t my problem tonight, however. Tonight, I just made a whole bunch of greasy foods (and not enough non-greasy foods). And then ate them, or, rather, about half of them, which was still way too many of them for one sitting. As such, my body now feels like a well-oiled machine, which contrary to what the purveyors of everyday metaphor would have you believe, is not actually a very good feeling.

I think I could still enjoy deep-fried foods somewhat, in moderation. A whole bunch of tastily refreshing things and a few grease-bombs here and there… prepared with whole wheat flour, of course, and fried mostly in olive oil. Balance is key, and not just in gymnastics. Perhaps that’s why they always tell you to get plenty of exercise with your well-balanced diet?

But, all the same, I’m beginning to think a whole lot more of raw vegetables… their goodness is subtler than the greasier foods I used to eat, but I seem to feel better eating them, and they’re just kinda good. I still like cooked foods here and there, but they’re now only part of my diet, and I’m totally okay with that.

Now, it’s possible that I’m just not very good at deep-frying – which, admittedly, is probably true… By the end of my frying experiment, my oil was as black as that other kind of oil whose rigs seem to keep blowing up. Fortunately, my oil did not blow up, and I don’t have any rigs to speak of, so that’s fortunate.

NEXT WEEK: Now You’re Cooking with Biodiesel