To Whom it May Concern:
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to submit additional matériel for the position I previously applied to recently in the near past. Please review at your leisure and combine with my other qualifications in your estimation of my dedication.
-2 Years of attempting to register for Jazz Dancing at Juilliard
-15 Days of Class in “MGMT 122: Intro to Office Relationships” at DeVry University.
-Can consume a whole case of emergency ham rations in 36 hours.
-Invented a much more stable, two wheeled version of the unicycle.
-Can command fish with my mind, as evidenced by my being at the zoo aquarium once and thinking “eat that fish” during a feeding session in the shark tank.
-Conducted research on the handling of inmates at the Hancock County Jail by being arrested for a fake charge of attempted robbery of a convenience store. For research purposes, this event will show up on a criminal history report for the sake of authenticity.
-Conjectured, defined, created, and eventually destroyed an entire socio-political system known as Cognitive Diractancism
-Managed to keep sane while locked in the hold of a docked merchant ship for a day and a half with nothing to do but eat emergency rations.
Norm D. Apple