Cesero Borgia’s Hot Metal Pants

Scene one: Cesero Borgia receives his pants

Lord Borgia: My son, my son, I give you these pants!

Cesero: Father, thank you, these pants are terrific! But lo! They are heavy…and warm!

Lord Borgia: Yes, my son, they are of metal and quite hot!

Scene two: Cesero Borgia puts his pants to good use

Thief: I shall steal from these courtly ladies!

Courtly Ladies: We have been stolen from!

Thief: Hahaha!

Cesero Borgia: I was just walking past but now I am going to stop you, thief!

Thief: Not if I stab you in the crotch first! But lo! I cannot penetrate your pants!

Cesero Borgia: Yes, dreaded thief, my pants are of metal!

Thief: No matter, I shall wrend you pants in twain then stab you!

Courtly Ladies: Ohh!

Thief: But lo! I burn my hands in my attempt to wrend your pants!

Cesero Borgia: Yes, dreaded thief, for my pants are quite warm!

Thief: I yield!

Constable: Come with me, cur!

Scene three: Cesero Borgia is done in by his pants

Cesero Borgia: I now go swimming in the Tiber! But lo! My pants weigh me down and causes a cloud of steam through which rescuers cannot see me! I sink!

Rescuers: Where is Cesero Borgia!? Let us shoot into the water to locate him by his screams! But lo! He screams not for he has been snatched up by a sea-bird! And his body is wrend in twain! And falls his warm metal pants to the sea! Oh! Cesero Borgia was truely done in by his pants!


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