How wonderful to finally reach you! We have been trying for ages, for you see, the late Queen of England had designated you among her heirs, specifically bequeathing you the Tower of London. She knows of your fascination with places of historical interest, and noted that she could think of no one better equipped to take care of our beloved landmark than yourself.
Please come to London ASAP to retrieve. Being that the Tower is no longer under British ownership, we require that it is removed immediately or we will be forced to charge you a holding fee of $10,000 per day.
Alternatively, please send US $2 billion for shipping and handling, c/o Her Majesty the Queen, 1248 Nigeria St, Nottascammington, Nigeria. We will mail it next day air, and you should receive it within 48 hours of receipt of your payment.
Thank you for your understanding and immediate compliance. Good day, and do enjoy your afternoon tea.