Centuries after famed author “God” released his international best seller “The Bible,” the Clunkline Book Review has finally gotten a peak at its long awaited follow up, “The Bible 2: Reloaded.” But despite the author’s claims that it would be “even biblier” than the original, does it really live up to the hype? Well, not completely, but still worth a read.
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When I’m not looking for love online, I actually do have a real job as a programmer. But not just any programmer– I like to take it to the EXTREME! The fact is, lots of people can write code. Only a select few can take it to the next level: Manly C++. Manly C++ is so epic, it literally makes some compilers explode. As the inventor and sole user of Manly C++, I’m about to share some of my secrets with you, the wimpy pathetic developer. Do you think you have what it takes? Quick, name five of the most awesome movies you can think of off the top of your head. If you’re anything like me, then four of your choices will have Jason Statham in them (the fifth is a movie where a small thai man beats up the entire world). But what if those movies are off the table? You’d have to select your five from the world’s number one source of non-Jason-Statham-related awesomeness– the Syfy channel. But for all the entertainment they’ve provided me over the years, not once have I ever given anything back… until now. Here at Clunkline, we believe that journalistic integrity is a thing that exists and that people do sometimes. Although we always make an effort to bring you the most accurate information that we can completely make up, sometimes mistakes do slip through, particularly when FooTay has ingested too much NyQuil and/or just isn’t paying attention (which is always). Here, then, are corrections for some of the articles we’ve posted over the past year. Yeah, I’ve seen a bunch of your newfangled “action flicks” that you people are watching in theaters these days. I was underwhelmed by “G.I. Joe,” underwhelmed by “Ninja Assassin” and “Transformers 2,” and just plain whelmed by “The Book of Eli.” But all you young people out there, you get so excited when you see this stuff, you’re practically pissing in your popcorn! Well let me tell you something; the action movies of my day were so awesome you’d start blowing CRAP out your EYEBALLS if you so much as glanced at ‘em. So you spend all day listening to other people whine about their problems, but as a psychologist a great way to unwind is to hit the town and try to pick up some ladies or gents or both. It’s also an awesome way to give someone more problems to take to a psychologist! Score! Keepin’ the profession alive! Until recently, it was assumed that Nostradamus’ “Les Propheties” contained the extent of the famed seer’s predictions. However, the following pages were found in a filing cabinet of Nostradamus’ editor, Phil. It appears that Phil was forced to cut several prophecies from the original manuscript due to budget constraints, as the publisher had recently lost quite a bit of money after the disappointing flop that was “The Canterbury Tales 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Now, for the first time, the rest of the world can view some of the profound predictions left out of the original work:
Excuse me, could I perhaps have a minute of your time? You see, I had a bit of an accident, and now I appear to be– well, I guess you can already see for yourself. Anyway, I was wondering if you could maybe… oh, of course, I see you are on the phone, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I can just wait until you’re finished… oh, it’s going to be a while, is it? In that case, sorry to have bothered you, I will let you carry on. |
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