“Action Packed?” Pffffft!

Yeah, I’ve seen a bunch of your newfangled “action flicks” that you people are watching in theaters these days. I was underwhelmed by “G.I. Joe,” underwhelmed by “Ninja Assassin” and “Transformers 2,” and just plain whelmed by “The Book of Eli.” But all you young people out there, you get so excited when you see this stuff, you’re practically pissing in your popcorn! Well let me tell you something; the action movies of my day were so awesome you’d start blowing CRAP out your EYEBALLS if you so much as glanced at ‘em.

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A Summary of Ben Kingsley's Film Career, From Wikipedia

Ben Kingsley

FooTay's Facebook News Feed During The Zombie Apocalypse

Day 1:

Day 1

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Psychologist Pick-up Lines

So you spend all day listening to other people whine about their problems, but as a psychologist a great way to unwind is to hit the town and try to pick up some ladies or gents or both. It’s also an awesome way to give someone more problems to take to a psychologist! Score! Keepin’ the profession alive!

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The Lost Prophecies of Nostradamus

Until recently, it was assumed that Nostradamus’ “Les Propheties” contained the extent of the famed seer’s predictions. However, the following pages were found in a filing cabinet of Nostradamus’ editor, Phil. It appears that Phil was forced to cut several prophecies from the original manuscript due to budget constraints, as the publisher had recently lost quite a bit of money after the disappointing flop that was “The Canterbury Tales 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Now, for the first time, the rest of the world can view some of the profound predictions left out of the original work:

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Clunkline at Two: A Retrospective

Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.

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I Don't Mean To Bother You, But I Appear To Be On Fire

fire

Excuse me, could I perhaps have a minute of your time? You see, I had a bit of an accident, and now I appear to be– well, I guess you can already see for yourself. Anyway, I was wondering if you could maybe… oh, of course, I see you are on the phone, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I can just wait until you’re finished… oh, it’s going to be a while, is it? In that case, sorry to have bothered you, I will let you carry on.

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Darryl, would you stop being such a crybaby and get back in the huddle?

Come on, we’re down by five points here, do you really want to bring this up now?

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A Selection Of Some Of My Craigslist Ads

Missed Connection: Lady Working At Quizno’s

Date: 2008-07-02, 6:29PM CDT

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My Graduate Thesis (Rough Draft)

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Non-Metalheads Gear Up For “Brutal Legend” Release

Double Fine Productions’ new metal-themed video game “Brutal Legend” is scheduled for release in less than two weeks. Anticipation for the game has been building up for months, and some fans couldn’t be more excited.

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And Now A Visit To FooTay's Inner Monologue

Today’s Episode: In Line At The Checkout Counter.

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How To Tell The Future Using A Microwave

You will need:
A can of tomato soup
A bowl
A clean microwave (dirty microwaves can contaminate the results)

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Why FooTay Is A Buffalo Bills Fan Despite Living In Pittsburgh For The Past Five Years

You might think that, when your favorite NFL team is leading by 11 points with two minutes left in the game, it might as well be over. Surely, they’ve got it “in the bag” now and you can safely switch channels, right? You might think that, but that’s because you root for a GOOD team. Or, to use the term favored by Buffalo Bills fans, a BORING one.

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The "How Much Do I Like This Movie" Quiz

Along with the music quiz, I also have a little test to determine whether or not I think a movie is good. For this quiz, every film starts off with fifty points, then add or subtract points according to the following questions. At the end, the result will be my rating of the movie, on a scale from 0 to 100.

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