Come on, we’re down by five points here, do you really want to bring this up now?
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You might think that, when your favorite NFL team is leading by 11 points with two minutes left in the game, it might as well be over. Surely, they’ve got it “in the bag” now and you can safely switch channels, right? You might think that, but that’s because you root for a GOOD team. Or, to use the term favored by Buffalo Bills fans, a BORING one. Along with the music quiz, I also have a little test to determine whether or not I think a movie is good. For this quiz, every film starts off with fifty points, then add or subtract points according to the following questions. At the end, the result will be my rating of the movie, on a scale from 0 to 100. Everybody hides things. We all, for one reason or another, have certain thoughts and feelings that we keep to ourselves. And from the day I began writing for this site, there has been one nagging thought that I’ve never been able to get away from. And I finally decided I can’t take it anymore; I’ve kept this feeling inside for too long, and it’s time I shared it with the world… I listen to better music than you do. I know this, partly because I also know more about music than you do, but mostly because all of your favorite bands either suck, or they were way better before people like you started listening to them. Also you’re ugly and you smell bad. Go away. Is he gone yet? Good, I hated that guy. Anyway, the reason I have such a high standard in music is that every band I encounter is first put through a strict test to determine exactly how much I like them on a 0-100 scale. For this quiz, each band starts with 50 points, then add or subtract points based on the answers to the following questions: Let’s face it; people are getting lazier all the time. Everyone knows it, especially your grandpa who used to walk to school in the snow every day and blah blah blah derpy derpy doo and so forth. And in no aspect of our lives is this more apparent than in the way we get our food. Observe: Monday: Okay, right off the bat, there’s one thing I don’t get. So, there’s Dr. Manhattan, right? Big giant blue guy. Can’t miss ‘im. The dude can grow to be 80 million feet tall, and make a bajillion copies of himself, and crush a tank by waving his hand around a little bit. But he can’t do something as simple as putting on a pair of friggin’ PANTS. In a move that NSA operative Marvin Jenkins calls “only the biggest waste of time ever,” the digital TV converter boxes handed out by the government were installed with hidden cameras, allowing them to monitor the private lives of citizens. It’s a decision which everyone involved is seriously regretting, however, as so far the only result of this not-so-secret program has been hours upon hours of footage of pasty, old, fat people staring mindlessly at their screens. |
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