I recently secured a desk job. That’s right, Grabass_Champion of gas station and pizza delivery fame was entrusted with a cubicle, a computer with TWO (count ‘em,) TWO monitors, and the capacity to send faxes to any damn fax machine on this planet. (Sometimes he faxes Iran images of Mohammed just for fun.)
So we don’t all forget each other’s names in this office environment, we all have signs on our cubicles with our names on them. The standard sign for my employment level looks like this:
One day when there was really nothing left to do, I got paid more than I’ve ever made in my life to painstakingly use Paint to turn it into this:
Two days ago, I happened upon a goldmine. The Landmark is a weekly newspaper serving a small area of northern Massachusetts that encompasses Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Rutland and Sterling. You’ve probably never heard of any of those towns, because they’re all quite small. Nothing ever really happens in these towns of interest, but the police report is published weekly in near-perfect detail. Herein are some excerpts from this week’s paper.
Twitter’s new side project, Shitter.com, recently went live. The new site was aimed for the “likes to microblog about pooping” demographic of Twitter users.
In a press release last Thursday, Twitter said Shitter “would be lucky” if “even two or three” users sign up over the next year.
This was made many moons ago (when we were both in high school).
According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π
Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW
300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.
Because of a backup snafu, the original Grabass_Champion’s Engrish Adventures lost all of its images, which were pretty much the entire joke therein. So now that the images have been rediscovered and some new content found, I’ve decided to be all post-modern and release Part 1 after I’ve released Part II.
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