Two days ago, I happened upon a goldmine. The Landmark is a weekly newspaper serving a small area of northern Massachusetts that encompasses Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Rutland and Sterling. You’ve probably never heard of any of those towns, because they’re all quite small. Nothing ever really happens in these towns of interest, but the police report is published weekly in near-perfect detail. Herein are some excerpts from this week’s paper.
Holden
5 July
7:41AM: Stray beagle brought in; slept in neighbor’s garage.
11:00AM: Brown water, Main St.
Twitter’s new side project, Shitter.com, recently went live. The new site was aimed for the “likes to microblog about pooping” demographic of Twitter users.
In a press release last Thursday, Twitter said Shitter “would be lucky” if “even two or three” users sign up over the next year.
Shitter has already secured advertising bids from Fiber One, Ex-Lax, and Pepto-Bismol.
According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π
Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW
Because of a backup snafu, the original Grabass_Champion’s Engrish Adventures lost all of its images, which were pretty much the entire joke therein. So now that the images have been rediscovered and some new content found, I’ve decided to be all post-modern and release Part 1 after I’ve released Part II.
Inspired by the memory of compiling the original Night Shift Collages and the Scissorshop images with Burpen, I decided to make some of these during time in which I should have been doing useful things in school.
