Things not to show up with while couch surfing

  • Chainsaw (except in Vermont)
  • Children that clearly don’t belong to you
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    Man Dies From Eating “Do Not Eat” Packet

    Blaine Warbler had never been stopped, nor hindered, in his quest to indiscriminately eat almost everything… Until last week.

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    Hey, everyone! Welcome to my Sub-Saharan Africa theme party!

    No, there’s no food.

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    Scat Porn

    “Special” Kitty Cat Litter

    This was made many moons ago (when we were both in high school).

    Hey! Leave my door penis alone!

    Hey, leave my door penis alone!

    Clunkipedia: Groaty Dick.

    Groaty Dick.



    According to Wikipedia, Groaty Dick “. . .is a traditional dish from the Black Country in England.” 300 This means that it qualifies as “soul food,” which may come as a surprise to some. Groaty dick is made from “. . .groats, beef, leeks, onions, and beef stock [and a bunch of other shit].” π

    Groaty Dick is most commonly found in Tanzmetall’s pants.YEP Generally modern scientists believe that the dick in Tanzmetall’s pants got so groaty from his habit of putting it in toothless hookers. However, a recent study indicates that it may also be the result of having sex with mountains of dromedary feces. EW


    300. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
    π. Groaty Dick. Wikipedia. Accessed 23/1/10.
    YEP. I looked there. It’s pretty groaty.
    EW. Harris, Krautbaumer, et al. “Making Connections: A study of Tanzmetall’s genitalia and dromedary excreta in sexual contexts.” American Journal of Things More Important than Cancer and Aids. Vol. 4 Issue 13, 24-41.

    If the signs were true...

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    Grabass_Champion's Engrish Adventures

    Because of a backup snafu, the original Grabass_Champion’s Engrish Adventures lost all of its images, which were pretty much the entire joke therein. So now that the images have been rediscovered and some new content found, I’ve decided to be all post-modern and release Part 1 after I’ve released Part II.

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    Night Shift Collages: Coffeehouse Edition

    Inspired by the memory of compiling the original Night Shift Collages and the Scissorshop images with Burpen, I decided to make some of these during time in which I should have been doing useful things in school.

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    Scissorshop

    SAVE0010

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    Night Shift Collages

    This is what happens when you leave convenience store clerks alone with a bunch of newspapers.

    Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

    Perhaps the only article worth reading in the sports section.

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    The Vagina Monologues

    Enter Vagina

    Vagina: THHBBBBBPT

    Vagina: BLLLRPT

    Vagina: THHWWRRRP

    Exeunt.


    Who’s above a queefing joke? Not Grabass-Champion.

    Clangover

    Huh? Oh, God, what day is it…?

    The sixth?!

    Are you fucking serious?

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    Popular Ads on the Sex Offender Registry

    This past weekend, I attempted to get back in touch with a high school classmate of mine. I noticed that next to his mugshot on the sex offender database, there were no ads. Nothing, anywhere on the page. I was more outraged by this omission than by the crime he “allegedly” committed.

    No marketing opportunity should go to waste! So, I hired a polling firm and did the field work to determine what ads would see a lot of traffic there. Here are my recommendations about what to advertise to readers of sex offender databases.

    White vans
    The always-in-style shaggin’ wagon is inexplicably popular with this demographic. The white paint job symbolizes innocence; the tinted windows, its loss.

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