Clunkline » Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com Doom flies on detachable wings. Fri, 18 May 2012 15:15:08 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc A.k.a. “NO” http://clunkline.com/2010/10/a-k-a-no/ http://clunkline.com/2010/10/a-k-a-no/#comments Sat, 30 Oct 2010 01:35:18 +0000 Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com/?p=5161

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]]> http://clunkline.com/2010/10/a-k-a-no/feed/ 0 Would you like steamed or fried transgression? http://clunkline.com/2010/10/would-you-like-steamed-or-fried-transgression/ http://clunkline.com/2010/10/would-you-like-steamed-or-fried-transgression/#comments Fri, 22 Oct 2010 18:46:47 +0000 Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com/?p=5147

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]]> http://clunkline.com/2010/10/would-you-like-steamed-or-fried-transgression/feed/ 0 Possessed Fax Generator http://clunkline.com/2010/09/possessed-fax-generator/ http://clunkline.com/2010/09/possessed-fax-generator/#comments Fri, 01 Oct 2010 02:04:56 +0000 Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com/?p=5102 We have a system that generates a fax form using bits of information we input. With this one I put in very standard information, and somehow got this out of it.

]]> We have a system that generates a fax form using bits of information we input. With this one I put in very standard information, and somehow got this out of it.

]]> http://clunkline.com/2010/09/possessed-fax-generator/feed/ 0 This may be what’s wrong with the economy http://clunkline.com/2010/09/this-may-be-whats-wrong-with-the-economy/ http://clunkline.com/2010/09/this-may-be-whats-wrong-with-the-economy/#comments Fri, 01 Oct 2010 01:53:17 +0000 Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com/?p=5103 I recently secured a desk job. That’s right, Grabass_Champion of gas station and pizza delivery fame was entrusted with a cubicle, a computer with TWO (count ‘em,) TWO monitors, and the capacity to send faxes to any damn fax machine on this planet. (Sometimes he faxes Iran images of Mohammed just for fun.)

So we don’t all forget each other’s names in this office environment, we all have signs on our cubicles with our names on them. The standard sign for my employment level looks like this:

One day when there was really nothing left to do, I got paid more than I’ve ever made in my life to painstakingly use Paint to turn it into this:

]]> I recently secured a desk job. That’s right, Grabass_Champion of gas station and pizza delivery fame was entrusted with a cubicle, a computer with TWO (count ‘em,) TWO monitors, and the capacity to send faxes to any damn fax machine on this planet. (Sometimes he faxes Iran images of Mohammed just for fun.)

So we don’t all forget each other’s names in this office environment, we all have signs on our cubicles with our names on them. The standard sign for my employment level looks like this:

One day when there was really nothing left to do, I got paid more than I’ve ever made in my life to painstakingly use Paint to turn it into this:

]]> http://clunkline.com/2010/09/this-may-be-whats-wrong-with-the-economy/feed/ 0 Police Reports of Rural Mass, Week of 7/5/2010 http://clunkline.com/2010/07/police-reports-of-rural-mass-week-of-752010/ http://clunkline.com/2010/07/police-reports-of-rural-mass-week-of-752010/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:32:53 +0000 Grabass_Champion http://clunkline.com/?p=4922 Two days ago, I happened upon a goldmine. The Landmark is a weekly newspaper serving a small area of northern Massachusetts that encompasses Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Rutland and Sterling. You’ve probably never heard of any of those towns, because they’re all quite small. Nothing ever really happens in these towns of interest, but the police report is published weekly in near-perfect detail. Herein are some excerpts from this week’s paper.

Holden 5 July 7:41AM: Stray beagle brought in; slept in neighbor’s garage. 11:00AM: Brown water, Main St. 2:16PM: Possible stolen ring, Holly Cir. 4:27PM: Suspicious vehicles parked in authorized zone, Harris St. 5:07PM: Putnam Ln. resident concerned about helicopter overhead; probably news chopper for brush fire. 9:08PM: Suspicious vehicle near Eagle Lake; driver appears to be fishing. 9:09PM: Vehicle appears to be attaching a boat, Eagle Lake.

8 July 11:04AM: Request for assistance with smoke alarms that won’t turn off, no sign of fire or smoke. 11:14AM: Request for lookout for bicycle rider; mother needs to speak with her; found at 11:52AM.

10 July 10:30PM: Party at Marlen Rd. 11:30PM: Group of youths walking, Manning St.

11 July 11:40AM: Motorcycle charity ride coming through town.

Paxton 7 July 8:10PM: Request for police to check on person talking with kids in front of building, West St.

Princeton 6 July 1:30PM: Calf stuck under barn, Grow Ln.

Rutland 5 July 11:00AM: Lost cell phone. 9:27PM: Loud neighbors, Carly Cir.

7 July 12:40PM: Lost wallet.

8 July 10:36PM: Suspicious auto reported near Glenwood School. Parties are stargazing on top of their vehicle.

10 July 8:15AM: Report of duck with injured leg, Fisherman’s Rd.

Sterling 6 July 6:35PM: Older German shepherd standing in travel lane, Leominster Rd. 8:00PM: Skunk walking in yard, Justice Hill Rd.

7 July 6:43AM: Caller reports person running backhoe before 7AM, Greenland Rd.

9 July 10:36AM: Caller thinks squirrel is living in ceiling, Beaman Rd.

10 July 9:22AM: Several domestic chickens in road, John Dee Rd., West Boylston ACO looking for them.

11 July 7:29AM: Loose cow, Princeton/Jewett Rds.

]]> Two days ago, I happened upon a goldmine. The Landmark is a weekly newspaper serving a small area of northern Massachusetts that encompasses Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Rutland and Sterling. You’ve probably never heard of any of those towns, because they’re all quite small. Nothing ever really happens in these towns of interest, but the police report is published weekly in near-perfect detail. Herein are some excerpts from this week’s paper.

Holden
5 July
7:41AM: Stray beagle brought in; slept in neighbor’s garage.
11:00AM: Brown water, Main St.
2:16PM: Possible stolen ring, Holly Cir.
4:27PM: Suspicious vehicles parked in authorized zone, Harris St.
5:07PM: Putnam Ln. resident concerned about helicopter overhead; probably news chopper for brush fire.
9:08PM: Suspicious vehicle near Eagle Lake; driver appears to be fishing.
9:09PM: Vehicle appears to be attaching a boat, Eagle Lake.

8 July
11:04AM: Request for assistance with smoke alarms that won’t turn off, no sign of fire or smoke.
11:14AM: Request for lookout for bicycle rider; mother needs to speak with her; found at 11:52AM.

10 July
10:30PM: Party at Marlen Rd.
11:30PM: Group of youths walking, Manning St.

11 July
11:40AM: Motorcycle charity ride coming through town.

Paxton
7 July
8:10PM: Request for police to check on person talking with kids in front of building, West St.

Princeton
6 July
1:30PM: Calf stuck under barn, Grow Ln.

Rutland
5 July
11:00AM: Lost cell phone.
9:27PM: Loud neighbors, Carly Cir.

7 July
12:40PM: Lost wallet.

8 July
10:36PM: Suspicious auto reported near Glenwood School. Parties are stargazing on top of their vehicle.

10 July
8:15AM: Report of duck with injured leg, Fisherman’s Rd.

Sterling
6 July
6:35PM: Older German shepherd standing in travel lane, Leominster Rd.
8:00PM: Skunk walking in yard, Justice Hill Rd.

7 July
6:43AM: Caller reports person running backhoe before 7AM, Greenland Rd.

9 July
10:36AM: Caller thinks squirrel is living in ceiling, Beaman Rd.

10 July
9:22AM: Several domestic chickens in road, John Dee Rd., West Boylston ACO looking for them.

11 July
7:29AM: Loose cow, Princeton/Jewett Rds.

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