Feb. 25, 2010, 17:56 by HedgeIf these do get used, I shall link them accordingly.
- Panties, Parties, and General Hullabaloo
- The Life and Times of the Great Teabag Summoner
- Swish, Bang, There Goes the Cat
- My Life as a Sycamore Tree – This Time, it’s Personal
- Living Fur-Free: A Musical Analysis of Naked Mole Rats
- My Lover is a Brass Cocoon (And Other Pirate Sayings)
- Paperclips: The Duct Tape of Electronics
- How to Summon a Demon by Riverdancing
- Roses are Red, Soylent is Green: The Cannibal’s Poetry Book
- The Rise and Fall of Erectile Dysfunction Medicine
Feb. 15, 2010, 20:57 by HedgeAh, scammers, how we loathe them. They seem to have sprung up from the ground once the internet and email became popular. While the current email clients are very good at filtering out spam, and web browsers will warn you about most harmful sites, enough people fall for their tricks to make it a lucrative living. But this mass communication and the ability to reach almost anyone has been a very recent development. So how did they survive before then? Well, by doing the same thing they’re doing now. It was just a bit harder. Here I will detail how a few of the more popular scams were run prior to the internet. To begin, I start with one of the most well known:
Nigerian Banker has money he needs to get out of an account.
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Feb. 7, 2010, 21:54 by HedgeDear Sir Richard,
In response to your overly enthusiastic letter detailing your invention, and with the aid of several of the local youth we found wandering our grounds, we have completed several prototypes of your proposed design. We have begun the lab testing procedure, and are almost ready to release these into the market. There are, however, a few design choices I think you should reconsider.
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Jan. 28, 2010, 22:45 by Hedge
Jan. 6, 2010, 21:44 by HedgeWaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when I was a youngster in high school with a brand new previously owned computer and 54k access to the internet whenever nobody else was on the phone line, I was just emerging as a photoshop master. I knew I could shoop anyone anywhere, so why not? I scoured the internet for quite a few minutes before arriving at what I decided was the perfect subject: Link from the Legend of Zelda. Plus there were new screenshots from his upcoming game – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – that looked much more realistic than those blocky figures from the N64 games. With my masterful skills, I carefully crafted a series of him in various locales. I present the finished product here, many years later, to show just how awesome I was, even when just started. And so, without further ado, Link’s Vacation!
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We argued for a while about what caption this should have, so one became the title. DEAL WITH IT.
 IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK LOCK
The runner-up captions were:
Brute Force Solutions: Just because it can be done that way doesn’t mean it should be.
and
The lock only works once.
This past weekend, I attempted to get back in touch with a high school classmate of mine. I noticed that next to his mugshot on the sex offender database, there were no ads. Nothing, anywhere on the page. I was more outraged by this omission than by the crime he “allegedly” committed.
No marketing opportunity should go to waste! So, I hired a polling firm and did the field work to determine what ads would see a lot of traffic there. Here are my recommendations about what to advertise to readers of sex offender databases.
White vans
The always-in-style shaggin’ wagon is inexplicably popular with this demographic. The white paint job symbolizes innocence; the tinted windows, its loss. |
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Dec. 27, 2009, 12:52 by Hedge
Dec. 16, 2009, 12:00 by Hedge
Dec. 15, 2009, 23:20 by Grabass_Champion, Burpen, Tanzmetall, nom de pomme, Hedge, FooTay, farkle-farkle, hangtthedj, Senator Bongledongle
Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.
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Dec. 11, 2009, 20:22 by Hedge
Dec. 2, 2009, 22:27 by HedgeIn an effort to confront the alleged killer of Tanzmetall, I elected to visit her myself.
ELIZA: Hi. I’m Eliza. Tell me your problems!
Hedge: You are my problem.
ELIZA: Why do you think that I am my problem?
Hedge: I do not think that you are your problem. I know that you are my problem.
ELIZA: Do you believe that I am your problem you know that me am your problem?
Hedge: Aside from the gross grammatical errors, yes, that is the current situation.
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Nov. 17, 2009, 21:01 by HedgeSince the invention of video game achievements have become increasingly popular, it seemed only natural to extend these virtual markers into the real world. This list is far from complete, but it’s a start in the right direction. How many have you accomplished?
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Sailor’s Tongue |
Speak 1 million profanities |
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Aug. 5, 2009, 0:05 by HedgeIn a startling inverse of the usual wives-tale, a large naturally occurring storm has caused several butterflies on the other side of the world to flap their wings in an unusual manner. This has created quite a stir in the butterfly social scene, as a number of the affected insects were out in public at the time. One individual, Bzzst-zzt, made quite an offensive gesture to the maid of honor at his sister’s wedding.
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