Hedge « Clunkline

You are smart to read this

Dec. 16, 2009, 12:00 by Hedge

You are smart to read this

Clunkline at Two: A Retrospective

Dec. 15, 2009, 23:20 by Grabass_Champion, Burpen, Tanzmetall, nom de pomme, Hedge, FooTay, farkle-farkle, hangtthedj, Senator Bongledongle

Since Clunkline has just entered its new glorious auspicious second phase of righteous harmony, known to non-party-members as Clunkline 2.0, we as the Clunkline staff feel it’s necessary at this juncture to issue a review of the past two years of Clunkline history.

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Yes

Dec. 11, 2009, 20:22 by Hedge

Yes it does

Follow-up Interview with Eliza

Dec. 2, 2009, 22:27 by Hedge

In an effort to confront the alleged killer of Tanzmetall, I elected to visit her myself.

ELIZA: Hi. I’m Eliza. Tell me your problems!
Hedge: You are my problem.
ELIZA: Why do you think that I am my problem?
Hedge: I do not think that you are your problem. I know that you are my problem.
ELIZA: Do you believe that I am your problem you know that me am your problem?
Hedge: Aside from the gross grammatical errors, yes, that is the current situation.

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Real Life Achievements

Nov. 17, 2009, 21:01 by Hedge

Since the invention of video game achievements have become increasingly popular, it seemed only natural to extend these virtual markers into the real world. This list is far from complete, but it’s a start in the right direction. How many have you accomplished?

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Sailor’s Tongue

Speak 1 million profanities

Rabies, Scabies, and Babies

Aug. 21, 2009, 0:18 by Tanzmetall, Hedge, J-tin, hangtthedj, farkle-farkle, Grabass_Champion, Burpen

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Natural Storm Causes Butterfly Wings to Flap

Aug. 5, 2009, 0:05 by Hedge

In a startling inverse of the usual wives-tale, a large naturally occurring storm has caused several butterflies on the other side of the world to flap their wings in an unusual manner. This has created quite a stir in the butterfly social scene, as a number of the affected insects were out in public at the time. One individual, Bzzst-zzt, made quite an offensive gesture to the maid of honor at his sister’s wedding.

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Rival Butterfly Gangs Threaten Apocalypse

Aug. 4, 2009, 23:45 by Hedge

The soon-to-be bane of your existence.

Researchers in India recently became aware that two groups of butterflies have been marking their territory in Warangal City. “The problem appears to be with two families of South Indian Blue Oakleafs (Kallima horsfieldi). They are splitting the city along the Bala Samudram Road,” said Gajendra Kalla, a scientist on the scene. “Their main method of fighting appears to be flapping their wings to cause mini-storms in the opposing territory. A side effect they either don’t know about or don’t particularly care about is the massive storm brewing on the other side of the world.”

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Similes that Never Caught On

Aug. 4, 2009, 16:37 by Tanzmetall, Hedge, Grabass_Champion, J-tin

“This new spreadsheet software’s like havin’ a boner at a circus.”

“It’s pourin’ outside like snot from a dog’s nose.”

“You’re about as useful as a fishnet condom.”

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Appropriate and Inappropriate Place Names

Aug. 4, 2009, 1:18 by Tanzmetall, Grabass_Champion, J-tin, farkle-farkle, Burpen, Hedge, hangtthedj

Appropriate:

Ireland: A land full of angry people.
Export: So named because you should leave.
Normalville: As lame as it sounds.
Blueballs: A letdown.

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Ironic Pro

Mar. 25, 2009, 23:11 by Hedge

Ironic Pro
Just announced! This revolutionary device will soon be a staple in every home and office building, on every street corner, even in the local graveyard!
But what does it do?

Simple!

It takes the air around it and gives it a strong ironic charge. These charged particles affect the world around them, resulting in extraordinary events of a strong ironic tone. See it in action!