This part of Superman Returns was just asking for a remix.
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This past weekend, I attempted to get back in touch with a high school classmate of mine. I noticed that next to his mugshot on the sex offender database, there were no ads. Nothing, anywhere on the page. I was more outraged by this omission than by the crime he “allegedly” committed. No marketing opportunity should go to waste! So, I hired a polling firm and did the field work to determine what ads would see a lot of traffic there. Here are my recommendations about what to advertise to readers of sex offender databases.
Appropriate: Ireland: A land full of angry people. Tanzmetall (the obvious emperor of Clunkline), Grabass Champion, and myself have written and often times still write music. I’m not really sure about the other two, but my composition writing has evolved out of clicking in a bunch of notes in Sibelius 2.0 and simply saving them as midis. Yes, I now have two really nice keyboards, which I use to play out most of the tracks in my songs, a friend who is quite eloquent on the guitar, and the means to get live recordings of just about any wind instrument I can think of within reason. Recently, I’ve written a new strain of songs for a would-be soundtrack to a graphic novel I am writing and hope to publish someday, and the thought occurred to me that one of Tanzmetall’s original compositions from back in the day would make a splendid theme for one of the villains (a continent-sized magma serpent that dwells under the Earth’s mantle). That song is called FLIGHT FROM EMSARIA, and though everything we write today is vastly superior in almost every way to what we used to write while we were in high school, nothing has ever struck a satisfying chord quite like this song has. At least that’s what I think. But what is it about FLIGHT FROM EMSARIA that is so… so… terrifying (in a good way)? I’ve known of several clean-shaven gentlemen in my life so far whom I have actually looked up to once upon a time for their cleanliness. You could clean compact discs on their faces, they were so smooth. Over the course of many months, I’d always lose myself in thought over the smooth appearance of their clefts, feel my own chin, and then sigh in disappointment. I would never be as clean-shaven as them, I always thought. They probably devoted a few minutes every single morning to maintaining their baby’s-bottom-smooth composure, and that was just the kind of dedication I did not have. These people, these so very extremely smooth people were like titans in mine eyes, titans of clean. Soulja Boy. Enough said. Y’know, it’s interesting that somebody just put up a post on this site complaining about imitators because that just happens to be what this issue of “My Pet Peeves” covers. I HATE it when people borrow (more like annex) the work and styles of someone else’s efforts. This means that 99.9999999% of the time, I hate fan videos of movies and shows, covers of already famous and popular songs, homemade comics on the web featuring casts of characters that already exist and are copyrighted like Naruto, photoshop images of things that photoshop images have already been made of, and the list goes on and on. The post I mentioned above featured yet another thing we have all seen many versions of, something which we have all come to love and then grow tired of in one sitting: Motivational posters and their many, many, MANY EFFING MANY parodies. Now that the internet is home to somewhere over nine thousand of these parodies, who in their right mind, in their left mind, or even in their auxiliary mind would want to be just another person to make yet one more? Who wants to become a statistic, really? |
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