Wisdom

A few weeks ago, I helped a box turtle across the road. It was promptly eaten by a wolverine. As I returned to my car, I was flattened by the John Kerry campaign bus.

Can I be called a wise man?

this is how i remember the lyrics being

nervestaple is now online.
Tanzmetall: JIM JIMMINY JIM JIMMINY JIM JIM JEROO
Tanzmetall: how lucky as lucky as lucky as you
nervestaple has gone offline.

fishy fishfish

GOD MRONING
good mourning
a great american died today

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would you like a bucket of pork bellies

good morning sir
would you like a bucket of pork bellies

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Overheard in an Elevator

First Guy: I’m not voting for John McCain because he was in prison.
Second Guy: Uhhh… you know he was a prisoner of war, right? In North Vietnam? He’s a war hero.
First Guy: I don’t care. Prison is prison.

The Adventures of awkward.jpg: Part II

Last time, you joined us as we took Thong-Man and photoshopped him into something more comfortable. This time, well, is exactly the same as last time, basically.



There is no thong.

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Denver Assassins Plan Carpool

With gas prices as high as they are, unusual groups have begun to cut down on mileage. Take the Cain’s Dark Markers, a white supremacist group planning to travel to the Democratic National Convention to assassinate Barack Obama. They have rented a party bus to carry their membership from Alabama to Colorado. “We don’t like payin’ at the pump any more than anybody else,” said Jim H. Wallace, the group’s spokesperson. “Just because we’re racist assholes doesn’t mean we don’t need to save a buck here and there.”

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Adults Imitating Babies

Babies look stupid.

When they’re really young, they have no control over their bodies. Ever get a muscle spasm? It’s a neural misfiring; your brain is not hooked up to its equipment quite right. Well, babies’ whole bodies are like that–they’re one great big, loud, pooping muscle spasm. In early childhood development, the brain spends its time taking in as much information it can about the world around it, and rewires itself accordingly.

But before that finishes, babies look like idiots.

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Ted Stevens Indicted

…but the pork barrel legislation is in another castle.

The Gay Agenda

2:15: Sell Hollywood great anti-Christian movie idea
3:00: Buttsex
3:45: Debase institution of marriage
4:15: Missile launch
4:30: Bible-burning party
5:10: Buy eggs

D`eTente Part Two: The Sequel; which is about a univercity

by vincent Brown

JIM and TOM are in the anti-bee bunker.

JIM. so our housemate says we should clean

TOM. yes yes and yes

JIM. arbeit macht frei, das flanderson

TOM. did you just godwin our housemate
because you did

JIM. jawhol, mein fuhrer

TOM. it’s gotta get done, and hey, fascism makes the trains run on time.

JIM. i’m just speaking german
you are projecting all over me

TOM. I cleaned the kitchen, and did not speak out
I cleaned the bathroom, and did not speak out
I cleaned my bedroom, and did not speak out
and when I was finished, there was nowhere left to clean

JIM. you didn’t clean your room
you dope

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I'm having doubts

“Nervestaple, some days, I feel like our conversations are just quotes from popular culture taken out of context and applied to whatever we’re talking about.”

“Yeah, well, there is no spoon.”

LUXURIOUS CLUNKLINER

LUXURIOUS CLUNKLINER

GUARANTEED

Sandy, remind me...

Today, Sandy was told to remind me to “never forget”.



Hello, Nervestaple!

I added this to the calendar:

#1 Thu, 9/11 Nevar forget
– email reminder at 7:00am
– http://iwantsandy.com/1781985

Organization, ahoy,

Sandy



Happy patriotism day.

Where were You on that Day?

It begins in a garbage heap and ends in Guantanamo, and it’s not what you think.

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