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Dear Old King Coal (ha ha, I do jest, I know you are really a baron and not a king – but it is nice to pretend sometimes, isn’t it?), Ol’ Jed Bickers here, your pal from ‘palachia. I was running some ‘speriments in my backyard laboratory, and I believe I may have just made some strides forwards in clean coal technology. Since you are basically depending on clean coal as a desperate long-shot towards the feasibility of your industry, I thought you might be mildly interested in my results. Generally speaking, I think I eat fairly healthfully. I am wrong… having grown accustomed to eating only the mildest berries of the forest during my time in the Bio Brigades, “fairly healthy” for me is eating my bark and foliage with a little bit of cream. I jest, of course – I’m more of a nuts and berries kind of guy. But! Every once in a while the siren call of the way I used to eat, and once in a maroon moon, I heed it. Tonight was one of those times. The siren in question, pleading her false case to my willing ears? Ach, the sailors speak of her only in whispered tongues… for she is the one known only as… And the winner is… “Controlling the heart with lasers may actually be safe”* Oh, well that’s a relief. All this time, we’ve been unloading our lasers on people’s hearts just in the off-chance that it’s a good idea, and finally, here we have the proof! Proof inside the proverbial pudding. A pudding made from lasers and advances in health science. Pudding actually sounds pretty good right now. Mm, gelatinous substances. Well, that is why I went into the field of medicine / mad science in the first place… I just can’t get enough of gooey things. Laser? I hardly even know ‘er!** (*from here: http://arstechnica.com/science/news/2010/08/lasers-outpace-other-methods-of-controlling-heartbeats.ars) Ow! Is cantaloupe supposed to burn in your mouth while you’re eating it? Great. Walking around in work pants, shirtless, eating a peach and farting. I hope my gay housemates don’t notice. Mm. Squash water! Spring Break is over, but the SUPER PRIVATE times continue down on Gulf beaches as the Almost Naked Volleyball Championships get underway. And sometimes the co-ed teams wear SANDALS!! “SANDALS are something that everyone can wear, male or female, no matter how much other clothing they are wearing at the time,” said New School ECE major Estan Huaraches. I ran out of time looking for houses over the summer, so now I’m subletting for two months and moving into a new, awesomer place in August. The place where I’m living is not bad; the house is beautiful, and my room is rather nice – spacious, and just a bit on the humid side. Some of my housemates are mixed up in entirely the wrong crowd, so much so that when Dr. Subtle told me over the phone last night that one of my housemates had just been arrested, my response was, “Oh, really! Which one?” However, this is not the point. The point is that the fridge doesn’t work very well. It might be just about the right temperature to sit in and relax over these hot summer months. However, it is entirely the wrong temperature for dairy products. “I’m here to kick posteriors and take names.” …UNLESS OF COURSE YOU SENT BACK THE FORM… “And I’m allllll out of posteriors.” CENSUS TAKER: 2010: THE MOVIE “It’s been ten years. Miss me?”
farkle-farkle: Why is C-Span showing DC as if it’s in Pacific time? nervestaple: Because a major stipulation of the health bill was to put DC on rafts and float it off the coast of Los Angeles. Tanzmetall: Yeah, they’re gonna sink the poor areas and use them as underwater buttresses, to keep California from sliding into the ocean. Sgt. Earth: I hear that worked well for New Orleans. RIMSHOT. Sentinel (finishing up drying dishes): This is where I leave you. Towards the end of 2009, up until the very, very end of 2009, I found myself working more-or-less frantically to finish a choral piece which I had told my great uncle I would finish by the end of the year. During some of the -or-less frantic parts, I managed to come up with some of these gems. |
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