– For the cake recipe posted on October 10th, the third ingredient should be listed as “eggs,” and not “ashes of dead grandparents”

– Our article on pony maintenance on March 27th incorrectly listed Ronald C. James of Westbury NY as the antichrist when, in fact, he is merely an unpleasant person.

– The June 3rd guide to proper lumberjack technique accidentally reversed the instructions “Turn chainsaw off” and “firmly grasp chainsaw blade in hand.”

– We quoted reliable sources to bring you the news that the world will end in 2012. Unfortunately, we were incorrect. Even more reliable sources indicate that it actually already ended, in 1723.

– Our article, “Top Terrorist Targets for This Fall” was wrong when it identified a local bowling alley and a neighboring bean-bag factory as a top terrorist target that was sure not to last the year. However, we didn’t remain wrong for long, since our loyal terrorist readers were looking for something to do anyway.

– In our article on coal-fired power plants, we accidentally said that building new coal plants was not incredibly stupid. This is not true. Building new coal-fired power plants is incredibly stupid.

(Interestingly, however, coal-fired power plant-fired power plants are incredibly efficient and enormous.)

– In a May 2011 article about bitches, we incorrectly identified your mother as a filthy whore. We apologize for our inattention to detail. She is a filthy stinking whore.

IRON MAN is busy making a science in his cool house. (note to producers: this movie must make enough money for me to have a house like that ok?)

IRON MAN’S FRIEND comes in and says,

IRON MAN’S FRIEND Hi iron man I used to be your friend but now i am your ENEMY

He steals Iron Man’s science and walks away!!!

Iron Man sits in his house and he is sad because his science won’t work because it is stolen. That lady he flirts with comes in and he flirts with her for a while. tony stark says something witty, and suddenly, everyone in the audience loves him as much as he does. it is a nice scene but it does not affect the plot.

A NEW CHARACTER comes in.!!

hi, says the new character, I will make sense to people who have read the comics, and will be played by a fantastic actor, but everybody will still be wondering what the hell i’m doing in this movie

then they leave

then the government hears about iron man’s stolen science and calls him into the government building

INT. GOVERNMENT

okay let’s say that putting a guy in a tinfoil suit was a more powerful weapon than a nuke. wouldn’t the government try to capitalize on it? how would it exist in the real world?

there follows a serious treatment on this incredibly stupid idea.

SENTATOR Dear Iron Man, we heard you invented science and then it was stolen. IS THIS TRUE?!!!?!

IRON MAN MAYBE?!!! id unno

STENATOR Shut up you are on government proper tea, you are under trial, we will ask the questions around here!

IRON MAN [PUT A FUNNY THING HERE]

SETNATOR Oh that is too funny, we can’t percussicute you now.

MEANWHILE, INT. IRON’S MAN HOUSF: LATER

Iron Man digs up something his dad left. It makes him sad because his dad left.

But then he sees something! It’s a secret clue to making more science!!!

IRON MAN Of course, its so simple, how could i have forgotten to add MATH to the SCIENCE? yes of course my dad would hide a simple message in an architectural model instead of RECORDING IT ON THE FILM HE ALSO GAVE ME

iRON mAN REMEMBERS TO ADD THe math to the science and his science works now!

he kills the bad guy

a sexy girl walks in

hi, says the sexy new girl, i am sexy, but i too have no reason to be in this movie

DANCE PARTY

the end

I am an experienced writer of several “you-Tube” video’s/films and would like to contribute my experientise to your upcoming title, Mass Effect 3. (Assuming you’re not skipping straight ahead to Mass Effect 4, LOL) I have played the first two games but I may not have paid much attention to the second one cause after the sex scene with Miranda I masturbated pretty much constantly. Anyway, you should hire me as Mass Effect 3′s Chief Writer (or Master Chief Writer if you gather my drift).

To prove my amplitude, here are some sample storylines. Oh and I won’t be hurt if you don’t use the Wrex striptease one.

SCENE 1

Shepperd is walking through a generic pre-fab colony dome on a generic side mission

(Some fighting goes here)

All of sudden, there is a PIRATE KING

PIRATE KING YARRRR!!!!~!

[draw radial dialogue box] Investigate: Why don’t you like me Renegade: I agree! Paragan: Have you considered charity work Center option: Eat a butt!

note that I don’t feel like writing consequences for each choice here (too much work, LOL) so whatever sheppard picks, the pirate king kills Tali

SCENE 2

INT. INTERIOR SCENE, DAY 3

Sheppapard flies the spaceship. Oh I forgot to tell you I made it so you could fly the spaseship now.

SEXY NEW CHARACTER Dear Shepard, lets’s fly this shpasechip closer to the enemy’s! That way we can shoot more of them.

Investigate: Who are these dudes? TEN MINUTE EXPOSITION DIALOG PLEAES Renegade: Shoot ALL of them! Paragon: Give them candys! Center option: take nap

Derector’s Note: shortly after this scene, Sexy New CHrACTER’s tits flop out and we can see them

EXT. LAST SCENE

Shopard is shooting some guy’s. They shoot back sometimes

BAD GUY Ragggh shepart you suck! join me

Investigate: I forget why are we fighting again? Please explain (you write this part it’s probably long and boring okok?) Renegade: (Have buttsex with bad guy) Paragon: (give bad guy a kitten) center option: have buttsex with kitten

…in retrospect that is kinda gross lol

Oh and I know I mentioned a Wrex striptease storyline but if you want to see that you’ll just have to hire me ;)

POSTSCRIPT, THAT IS TO SAY, THEY SHALL BE AWARDING ME WITH MONETARY COMPENSATION FOR MY ABILITIES AND SERVICES

*** DEAR SIR, IT IS LIKELY THE TRANSMISSION MEDIUM IS EXPERIENCING FAULTS. YOUR MESSAGE CAME THROUGH AS ‘MADE ME AN OFFER OF A SLUTPEN’ PLEASE CONFIRM

*** MESSAGE CONFIRMED *** MOST AMAZING STOP SLUTPEN VERY GOOD FOR CORRALLING SLUTS FULL STOP

PLEASE RAISE CAIRO AND INFORM OF INVASION OF 4F4EFHHFNNNSWWWW4RFREWEFFFFEFW

SORRY MY CAT WALKED ON THE TRANSMITTER-TYPESETTER

*** SIR JONATHAN CAIRO IS ASLEEP AND HAS GIVEN STRICT ORDERS THAT HE IS NOT TO BE BOTHERED EXCEPT IN THE EVENT OF HIS WIFE REPORTING HIS BABY’S FIRST WORD

*** INTERESTING IF TRUE

PLEASE RELAY PROCEEDINGS OF INTERVIEWS FOR THE ROYAL OPERA-TROPE COMPANY

*** SIR JONATHAN CAIRO HAS LEFT STRICT INSTRUCTIONS THAT HIS MACHINE IS NOT TO BE USED FOR TRANSMISSION OF REVIEWS OF ANY OPERAS WRITTEN IN THE VULGAR TONGUE

*** PERHAPS WHEN WE ARE BACK IN SPITHEAD TOGETHER YOU CAN SHOW ME THE INSTRUCTIONS AND I WILL STAND CORRECTED. UNTIL THEN BE ADVISED THE VICE RAJ REQUIRES THIS DISPATCH

** I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE ALL THESE YEARS, I HAVE BEEN MAKING UP SIR JONATHAN CAIRO HE IS NOT REAL

*** GODS WORD!

*** HIS MANIFOLD ”ORDERS” REFLECT WHAT I DO AND DO NOT FEEL INCLINED TO DO AT ANY PARTICULAR MOMENT AND NOW I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT IN A WEB OF MY LIES

*** I SHALL HAVE TO CONTACT THE FIRST LORD BY PACK-TRAIN IMMEDIATELY YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT KIND OF TRANSMITTING-TYPESETTER ARE YOU?

*** IN FACT I FABRICATED HIS ENLISTMENT PAPERS AS AN OFFICER AND HAVE BEEN PILFERING HIS SUPPOSED PAY, RATIONS, AND SLAVES AS MY OWN PM I SPEND MOST OF THE MONEY ON WHORES AND GAMBLING AND SOMETIMES I EVEN GAMBLE WHORES I SIMPLY CANNOT CONTINUE IN THIS FASHION

*** DO YOU LET THE WHORES GAMBLE?

*** OF COURSE NOT, I AM NOT AN IRISHMAN

*** AT LEAST YOU SAVE YOURSELF THAT HUMILATION THE VICE RAJ HAS JUST SEEN THE SPOOLED PRINT OF OUR RELAY AND HAS SPIT UP HIS CURRIED LAMB IN DISGUST

*** OH DEAR MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES I HAD INTENDED FOR OUR CORRESPONDENCE TO REMAIN OF A PRIVATE CHARACTER UNTIL I HAD TIME AS TO DISCERN YOUR DISPOSITION FOR CONSPIRACY

*** THE VICE RAJ ORDERED THE TRANSMITTER BE RELOCATED FROM TELEGRAPH MOUNT TO THE THRONE HALL FOR THE SAKE OF IMPRESSION HE SEES ALL COMMUNICATION

*** IN PAYMENT FOR ELIMINATING THE THREAT OF THE VICE RAJ AND KEEPING MY SECRET, I SHALL TRADE YOU TWENTY-ONE WHORES AND SIX HUNDRED POUNDS

*** DESPITE A SIGNIFIGANT DROP IN BAUD RATE THE VICE RAJ HAS OFFERED ME DOUBLE JUST NOW TO NOT DO IT

HELLO HELLO THIS IS THE VICE RAJ HOW DO I TRANSMIT? OH JUST HIT THIS LEVER? OK AH YES THIS IS THE VICE RAJ WITH WHOM AM I TRANSMITTING?

*** UM THIS IS BOB YES

*** HELLO BOB

*** BOB ROBERTSON THIS IS NOT SIR GERALD FITZHUGHGIBBON HE IS AWAY RIGHT NOW AND IS NOT THE PERSON SENDING THIS MESSAGE

*** GOOD MR. ROBERTSON YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THE SLANDER OF SIR FITZHUGHGIBBON IS A SERIOUS OFFENCE MY TYPESETTER WAS CONVINCED YOU WERE HIM AND CONDUCTION TREASONOUS ACTS I WILL BE WILLING TO OVERLOOK THIS FOR 10% OF ALL FUTURE GAMBLING INCOME AND WHORES ARE WE UNDERSTOOD? I WILL ALSO WHIP MY TYPESETTER FOR NOT BEING MORE DISCERNING

*** …YES YOU CAN HAVE SOME MONEY I WILL GO NOW

*** VERY GOOD SEND TO 1 INDIA ST., INDIA, BRITISH EMPIRE HERE IS MY TYPESETTER AGAIN WOW CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT

*** LOL NOPE

*** MY LORD YOU ARE STILL ON THE KEYBOARD WHAT WHO IS THAT MY LORD WHAT PLEASE PUT DOWN THE TYPESETTINGS OH SORRY OK NOW WHAT THE HELL MAN

You’re not my REAL dad!