The Surgeon General « Clunkline

This Is Indian Territory: Director's Cut

Sep. 7, 2009, 21:04 by Tanzmetall, nom de pomme, The Surgeon General

Two years later… I finally get a copy.

This Is: Indian Territory, 13 Minute Director’s Cut from Adam Wright on Vimeo.

The Book of Mormon

Dec. 18, 2008, 13:10 by Tanzmetall, The Surgeon General

Today my roommate told me he had a Christmas present for me: the Book of Mormon. Imagine my very chaste surprise.

Turns out a bunch of Mormon girls were handing them out on the street and he just couldn’t tell them no. (You know how it is with Mormon girls.)

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Hobbies of my Upstairs Neighbors

Dec. 17, 2008, 1:40 by Tanzmetall, The Surgeon General

My apartment building came with pretty thick walls—thick enough that I never heard any noises from any other apartment for months. But recently, my upstairs neighbors decided to start playing “throw the U-bend into the corner”, and I can hear them quite clearly.

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Joke Lessons

Mar. 30, 2008, 20:35 by The Surgeon General

Comedy, as we all can agree, finds its roots in storytelling. All the way back to the Ancient Greeks, and even the Greeks before that, stories were made interesting by the comedic juxtaposition of events. Therefore it seems only natural that comedy evolved into jokes, a kind of short, poignant storytelling where a friend assumes the role of the narrator, and takes you along for the proverbial ride. Jokes have been the vessel of comedy for years, but in recent times they have begun to wane.

That’s why today, The Surgeon is taking it upon himself to re-vitalize, re-invigorate, and re-furbish the joke form (just when you thought you were as furbished as you could be!). Now, a new generation of storytellers may arise and give us something to fill the awkward silence at dinner after your brother has come out to your parents, and you know… your dad starts to pour gasoline all over his own loins for producing his children. (Speaking of where the matches are, dad, I heard a great one the other day…) So without further ado, I give you… JOKE LESSONS!

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Jordan Rosenfeld is a Pretty Man

Mar. 30, 2008, 18:46 by The Surgeon General

Every year, Seneca Valley High School in Germantown, MD holds a men’s beauty pageant poignantly titled “Mr. Seneca.” In my capacity at Clunkline, I somehow uncovered some footage of a previous contestant from all the way back in 2006. Though I cannot speak much to his methods, or much on the subject of copyright infringement, I will say this: it seemed like a hell of a show that year.

DVDA-New Dance Craze Sweeps the Nation

Feb. 6, 2008, 12:16 by The Surgeon General

SafeSearch on, pants off!

Those of you among our club-going readership may have noticed a new craze sweeping the scene. But to everyone other than you, Greg, the word DVDA may still be strange and unfamiliar. What is the DVDA? Where did it come from? Can it be cured with penicillin?

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The Mayor of Knifetown

Jan. 31, 2008, 0:07 by The Surgeon General

Batarang returned to sender.

As all of us know, the holiday season is a time for stress and violence. Going in for that perfect gift requires a sharp wit, the willingness to do harm, and shoddy, Batman-inspired weaponry. That’s why for Secret Santa this year, I opted to get (read: drunkenly stumbled upon) the perfect gift: a bat-a-rang. Some of you may remember Batman’s all-purpose throwing-dealy in the shape of a bat, others may be Canadian. In any event, an internet Boolean search for ‘generic novelty gift + super hero – gay porn’ yielded that admirable result. I quickly ordered my bat-a-rang from Blade Empire. With over twelve years in the business, surely they could suit my novelty weapon needs. But three days after ordering, this was what I received:

Your order is cancelled. We can’t ship to someone else’s house.

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