On this day in history, 1949, the Challengeburg Titan made her maiden (and only) voyage* approximately one eighth of the way to the moon. The takeoff and initial ascent went remarkably smoothly, which is quite a miracle, really, when we realize that the Titan was a mammoth boat strapped to the side of a skyward-facing dirigible powered by rockets. Moreover, it was the largest such rocket-powered boat-strapped-to-a-dirigible that had ever been built.
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Here at Clunkline, we believe that journalistic integrity is a thing that exists and that people do sometimes. Although we always make an effort to bring you the most accurate information that we can completely make up, sometimes mistakes do slip through, particularly when FooTay has ingested too much NyQuil and/or just isn’t paying attention (which is always). Here, then, are corrections for some of the articles we’ve posted over the past year. FLASH In what is being hailed as a modern medical miracle, doctors and researchers at the Mayo clinic have reported that an NSF funded project has produced the first sentient, talking ass of a woman in human history. “This is truly a marvel to behold” said Dr. Rodson, chief architect of the ‘Talkin Ass’ as it has been affectionately dubbed. “It marks a huge milestone in talking ass technology” In the chambers of the female test subject Janet Halbruth, who wished to remain anonymous, the ass was heard speaking to the researchers about the weather and other smalltalk. Researchers were unable to provide any sort of intellectual merit argument or broader impacts discussion when prompted. Manhattan – Clunkline staff writer Nom de Pomme has taken it upon himself to write yet another front-page article for the well known satire website whose humor is derived directly from some sort of obscure historical events and people that most have never heard of. Sources indicate the inspiration for this article came from another day-long reading spree of wikipedia and happening upon some random sort of thing he had never known of before. Play against your friends as a group of daring allied fighter pilots who have been shot down over enemy territory. Make your way through the European countryside as you attempt to escape to Sweden, Switzerland, or England. Team up with underground resistance and partisans to report and sabotage enemy troop movements, materiel, and infrastructure. But watch out! The Huns are out in force and you can be spotted by a patrol at any time! Get caught and be sent to the stalag! Game over! Only the best flying aces can make it back to their own units and take revenge on the pilots who shot them down. Are you brave enough to…BAIL OUT!? Citing a ridiculous act of Parliament from 1848, French President Nicholas Sarcozy jumped on the 24-hour window of opportunity afforded to “whomever shall be in charge of France” to claim ownership of the United Kingdom and the Crown itself if “ever a song honoring those frog-eaters is sung in our capital, by Jove they can have the bloody mess.” We all know the impact the Glasflub has had on daily life, but there are still millions of angry opponents who are organizing a march protest on the streets of HyperWashington 2.0 this weekend. “Glasflub represents something that I disagree with” said organizer Harry Frendlestein “I cannot make that point clear enough” IN THE THIRD MONTH, JESUS ROSE ONCE MORE, AGAIN… KIND OF. Last night at Fire Hall 118, members of the comedy club at Lonely Fields Retirement Home were entertaining attendees of the much anticipated DefSeniorComedyJam. Things turned ugly however when Hugo Domingez, halfway through a set about how he didn’t see well anymore, lost control of his bowels. The incident then started a horrific chain reaction in the audience. Four were hospitalized and one died. Spring Break is over, but the SUPER PRIVATE times continue down on Gulf beaches as the Almost Naked Volleyball Championships get underway. And sometimes the co-ed teams wear SANDALS!! “SANDALS are something that everyone can wear, male or female, no matter how much other clothing they are wearing at the time,” said New School ECE major Estan Huaraches. |
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