Commemorating the Challengeberg Titan

On this day in history, 1949, the Challengeburg Titan made her maiden (and only) voyage* approximately one eighth of the way to the moon. The takeoff and initial ascent went remarkably smoothly, which is quite a miracle, really, when we realize that the Titan was a mammoth boat strapped to the side of a skyward-facing dirigible powered by rockets. Moreover, it was the largest such rocket-powered boat-strapped-to-a-dirigible that had ever been built.

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Corrections From 2011

Here at Clunkline, we believe that journalistic integrity is a thing that exists and that people do sometimes. Although we always make an effort to bring you the most accurate information that we can completely make up, sometimes mistakes do slip through, particularly when FooTay has ingested too much NyQuil and/or just isn’t paying attention (which is always). Here, then, are corrections for some of the articles we’ve posted over the past year.

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Woman’s Ass Becomes Sentient

FLASH

In what is being hailed as a modern medical miracle, doctors and researchers at the Mayo clinic have reported that an NSF funded project has produced the first sentient, talking ass of a woman in human history.

“This is truly a marvel to behold” said Dr. Rodson, chief architect of the ‘Talkin Ass’ as it has been affectionately dubbed. “It marks a huge milestone in talking ass technology”

In the chambers of the female test subject Janet Halbruth, who wished to remain anonymous, the ass was heard speaking to the researchers about the weather and other smalltalk.

Researchers were unable to provide any sort of intellectual merit argument or broader impacts discussion when prompted.

To Secure Nomination, Newt Gingrich Will Have to Prove He’s Just as Crazy and Incompetent as Previous Favorites

With former frontrunners Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and Michele Bachman all fading in the polls, eyes are now turning to former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich, who will have to prove just how criminally insane he really is in order to secure the nomination.

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Russian Man Creates Explosive Goat Factory

Russia – A man in Russia today unveiled a new factory to create exploding goats for purposes that at present are murky at best.

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Nom de Pomme writes article referencing obscure historical events and figures, relatable only to himself and possibly Tanzmetall

Manhattan – Clunkline staff writer Nom de Pomme has taken it upon himself to write yet another front-page article for the well known satire website whose humor is derived directly from some sort of obscure historical events and people that most have never heard of. Sources indicate the inspiration for this article came from another day-long reading spree of wikipedia and happening upon some random sort of thing he had never known of before.

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New from Milton-Bradley: BAIL OUT!

Play against your friends as a group of daring allied fighter pilots who have been shot down over enemy territory. Make your way through the European countryside as you attempt to escape to Sweden, Switzerland, or England.

Team up with underground resistance and partisans to report and sabotage enemy troop movements, materiel, and infrastructure.

But watch out! The Huns are out in force and you can be spotted by a patrol at any time! Get caught and be sent to the stalag! Game over!

Only the best flying aces can make it back to their own units and take revenge on the pilots who shot them down. Are you brave enough to…BAIL OUT!?

Typo on Last Night at the Proms Programs Causes Rousing Chorus of “Rule, Brittany!” to be Sung, and as a Consequence, France now owns the UK

Citing a ridiculous act of Parliament from 1848, French President Nicholas Sarcozy jumped on the 24-hour window of opportunity afforded to “whomever shall be in charge of France” to claim ownership of the United Kingdom and the Crown itself if “ever a song honoring those frog-eaters is sung in our capital, by Jove they can have the bloody mess.”

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New Army ‘Killdozer’ to Pull Out All The Stops

Fort Knox, KT

At the US army armor headquarters at Fort Knox today, top generals and the secretary of defense unveiled a new fighting vehicle designed to completely fulfill any and every battlefield role.

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Yeti Attack!

CHEYENNE – Several thousand Yeti and Sasquatch have finally revealed themselves to humankind today when an army of the previously cryptozoologic creatures parachuted into and took over the capital of Wyoming, Cheyenne.

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FutureReport 2045: The March to End Glasflub

We all know the impact the Glasflub has had on daily life, but there are still millions of angry opponents who are organizing a march protest on the streets of HyperWashington 2.0 this weekend.

“Glasflub represents something that I disagree with” said organizer Harry Frendlestein “I cannot make that point clear enough”

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Clunkline Forums are back up

IN THE THIRD MONTH, JESUS ROSE ONCE MORE, AGAIN… KIND OF.

Man Attaches Large Engine To Small Thing

Local man Hank Kilber was discovered today to have attached a large engine to something rather small. “Well I wanted to give this little thing just a whole lot more power.”

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DefSeniorComedyJam: Self-Deprecating Humor turns into Self-Defecating Humor

Last night at Fire Hall 118, members of the comedy club at Lonely Fields Retirement Home were entertaining attendees of the much anticipated DefSeniorComedyJam. Things turned ugly however when Hugo Domingez, halfway through a set about how he didn’t see well anymore, lost control of his bowels. The incident then started a horrific chain reaction in the audience. Four were hospitalized and one died.

SPECIAL SUPER SANDALOUS SUMMER CLUNKER SANDAL ISSUE

Spring Break is over, but the SUPER PRIVATE times continue down on Gulf beaches as the Almost Naked Volleyball Championships get underway. And sometimes the co-ed teams wear SANDALS!!

“SANDALS are something that everyone can wear, male or female, no matter how much other clothing they are wearing at the time,” said New School ECE major Estan Huaraches.

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