Cellphones have revolutionized our lives. They’ve made instantaneous voice contact to anyone else in the world with a similar device and near some semblance of civilization possible. They’ve partially invalidated expensive and complicated wired infrastructure. They’ve even allowed us to ignore any situation by talking to someone who isn’t even there rather than being active participants in our own lives.
However, as with any technology sprung so quickly on the public, some people just don’t do it right. Holding one’s cellphone in a logical way has become a very confusing task indeed to some folks.
With the metal archives currently listing tens of thousands of official metal bands, you would think that all the good names would be taken by now. Not true! Coming up with new band names is easy; just pick a genre and follow the given template:
Death Metal: Random Latin Phrase OR name of a disease. Examples: Eo Ipso, Catalepsy, Myxedema, Semper Instans
Today on Clunkline we will address a common myth and proceed to debunk it. The myth is that somehow stuff that was previously on the path to being swallowed is no longer acceptable for swallowing upon being returned more or less unaltered to the mouth. In short, we will prove indisputably to you that there is no such thing as “backwash”.
A lot of people think that “-core” genres–such as hardcore, metalcore, deathcore, mallcore, and the ever-popular polkacore–are easy to do. Just take any subgenre of actual metal–usually death, black, or thrash metal–and dumb it way down, right? Well, not quite. If you want to form your own “-core” band, there’s a few crucial steps you’ll need to follow.
Comedy, as we all can agree, finds its roots in storytelling. All the way back to the Ancient Greeks, and even the Greeks before that, stories were made interesting by the comedic juxtaposition of events. Therefore it seems only natural that comedy evolved into jokes, a kind of short, poignant storytelling where a friend assumes the role of the narrator, and takes you along for the proverbial ride. Jokes have been the vessel of comedy for years, but in recent times they have begun to wane.
That’s why today, The Surgeon is taking it upon himself to re-vitalize, re-invigorate, and re-furbish the joke form (just when you thought you were as furbished as you could be!). Now, a new generation of storytellers may arise and give us something to fill the awkward silence at dinner after your brother has come out to your parents, and you know… your dad starts to pour gasoline all over his own loins for producing his children. (Speaking of where the matches are, dad, I heard a great one the other day…) So without further ado, I give you… JOKE LESSONS!
