It wasn’t a very good plan… actually, it was terrible. But nonetheless, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce was dead-set on it, and President Eustace Albacore was finding himself at a loss for words.
“It’s just… I really can’t give this my stamp of approval, you know,” he said, scratching the back of his balding neck uncomfortably. “Misbehavior on this level… what will the people think?”
“I appreciate your concern, but I do not think they will be troubled – on some level, this will be exactly what they would expect from business and politics,” John Grant, the head of the Chamber of Commerce, returned smoothly. He was a short man clad in green with laugh lines around his mouth, but the spark in his eye was no twinkle – it was the glint of steel. “And you must agree that the energy crisis has reached new levels of urgency.”
It’s always a little concerning when you start out deep-frying and by the end you’re very nearly sauteing. Where does that extra oil go? You used the whole bottle, after all. While, to be fair, it wasn’t a very big bottle to begin with, it allegedly contained 32 servings, each of which had 22% of one’s daily fat intake. Just over a week’s worth of fat, gone.
I’ve always thought that to be one of life’s many mysteries, such as why the economy sucks, the difference between Democrats and Republicans, and which came first, the chicken or the tactical nuclear warhead. But nonetheless, on the occasions that the urge to deep-fry strikes, one can’t help but wonder. It’s not quite ineffable, but that’s not to say you should eff with it.
In what is being hailed as a modern medical miracle, doctors and researchers at the Mayo clinic have reported that an NSF funded project has produced the first sentient, talking ass of a woman in human history.
“This is truly a marvel to behold” said Dr. Rodson, chief architect of the ‘Talkin Ass’ as it has been affectionately dubbed. “It marks a huge milestone in talking ass technology”
In the chambers of the female test subject Janet Halbruth, who wished to remain anonymous, the ass was heard speaking to the researchers about the weather and other smalltalk.
Researchers were unable to provide any sort of intellectual merit argument or broader impacts discussion when prompted.
With former frontrunners Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and Michele Bachman all fading in the polls, eyes are now turning to former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich, who will have to prove just how criminally insane he really is in order to secure the nomination.
I am an experienced writer of several “you-Tube” video’s/films and would like to contribute my experientise to your upcoming title, Mass Effect 3. (Assuming you’re not skipping straight ahead to Mass Effect 4, LOL) I have played the first two games but I may not have paid much attention to the second one cause after the sex scene with Miranda I masturbated pretty much constantly. Anyway, you should hire me as Mass Effect 3′s Chief Writer (or Master Chief Writer if you gather my drift).
To prove my amplitude, here are some sample storylines. Oh and I won’t be hurt if you don’t use the Wrex striptease one.
Porn has been around for a long time. I recently visited the National Porn Museum in Salt Lake City and saw a moving installation detailing the origins of the subscription porn industry. In the words of industry pioneer Buddy Hilltopper (aged 92 in a 1998 interview):
After the unpleasantness surrounding the transition of editorial responsibilities, the writers of Clunkline came together to generate a new direction of article ideas and feeleings.
Footay gave a rousing, impassioned speech on the opportunity we had to mold Clunkline to our own visions, out from under the yoke of the old regime and in the freedom of a new era.
Within ten minutes, we had this:
shoving stuff up your ass,
being groped (toned down from raped)
diarrhea, and a
dildo factory
