I’ve already pointed out a few examples of situations in which Ronnie makes very bizarre logical errors, but there are plenty more available. They follow.
Roger was probably the most unfortunate of targets of Ronnie’s e-mails. Her e-mails to Roger were the most frequent and the least comprehensible, and they all addressed practical matters, so he had to actually translate them from “idiot” to English and then act on them. Combine this with the fact that Roger has less tolerance for stupidity than most in our company, and you got a very bad work relationship.
Dear Gina,
How we handle gas change is according.
If in the evening The Cashier has
to call me mealy then they have to change the prices
out side on the
pole.
The Ronnicles – Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
You read it here: I actually found some more Ronnie-content lying around! These were some post-it notes that she put on some applications that she had processed. Most of them are notes about how her phone calls to the various applicants went.
The pumps had a habit of leaking, and to this day refuse to print “reseats”. However, with Ronnie’s narrative voice, these problems seemed just a little more surreal.
Pump’s #1 #2 #7 and #8
Were linking This morning So We Put red Bags on them I Allso called Bob
Cornell To let him know
It wasn’t really Ronnie’s fault, at least not at first, that our store happened to be full of highly dysfunctional equipment. I’m pretty sure that there was never, and will never be, a time when nothing important was broken. Most of the time it just sat, but every once in a while Ronnie would try to do something about it. Here follow some of her e-mails regarding maintenance.
So… I guess this was probably inevitable. Though I have plenty of material, like Hillary Clinton and the gas tax holiday, I must continue to push my gimmick of The Ronnicles despite any claims that it might be worn out. So, I’ve posted this in .doc format before. So, you’ve already read it. Or have you? Making you download and open something might have stopped it from happening at all, so unavoidably I present to you Analyzing the Ronnicles as a multi-part series in nice, comfy browser-friendly HTML.
This was originally posted by Grabass_Champion as an April Fool’s prank under the name “Ronnie”. The idea was that somehow Ronnie had got a writer’s account and started to write for CL.
so you all Liked my email’s So Much that So Much that i had a question ?
so i asked the question ?
so i asked if tazmental and crabass-champean Could Make me a Writer for clunk line. so They made me a Writer for clunk line. now i am A Writer for clunk Line.
I got fired at the Store so I am termalanted and I Need a New Job so I Am working for Clunk Line i Manage all the Comenent’s and secretion from our Clamant tell.
so Thank -you for Reading my email’s i Worked very Hard on them there not Easy to right i Was righting one Once and I missed spelled “capancheeno”" so I Looked at the manchine and wrote it Down so I could Spell it Right “Cappuccino” so i Made Sure the spelling’s were Right just to make Read easier and safe eye’s strane on You’re eye’s right Speling’s.
ok Mabey I Will Right more Later but im Glad you En here joyed my Email’s.!!!
For your reading pleasure, I’ve analyzed some of the finer points of the Ronnicles and provided a lot of context and anecdote to help the reader enjoy the Ronnicles experience. I’ve compiled it into a word document, as it is too long for a Clunkline post, and would be a pain to format. You can acquire it here.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
Yes, sadly it is the end of the Ronnicles. These are the last few examples of her illiteracy that I collected after she was gone in an effort to ensure that The Ronnicles was an exhaustive collection of everything she wrote to which I had access. It’s been great fun, and don’t forget to look for Analyzing the Ronnicles to be available soon.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
This is the second-to-last installment of The Ronnicles. As such, you would expect a suspenseful build to the climax of the series, right? Well, sorry to disappoint, but this one is just like any other Ronnicles entry. As with other write-up entries, a more legible, typed version follows each image.
The Ronnicles: Exercises in Literacy from one of America’s Finest Convenience Store Managers
The next three installments of the Ronnicles will all feature write-ups as all or part of their presentations. Following the write-ups is a transliteration of each one, not because Ronnie’s handwriting was actually too bad, but because some of them are the second or third carbon copy of a three-part sheet, and are therefore hard to read.
