THE BOUNTY HUNTER GRIMLY Stared tadeusz down the barrel of his hackbow. It is the bounty hunter who is doing the staring, in case that wasn’t clear. Also, a hackbow is a crossbow that shoots hacksaw blades, if that wasn’t clear also.
“Ha ha ha,” the bounty man said, inching hisfingers closer to the trigger, “I will collect lots of rupees for this fine catch?!”
Tadeusz boredly examined his fingernails. “Ho hum,” said he. He was not concerned because he had A SECRET PLAN. Shhhh! Don’t tell the bounty hunter.
a VINCENT Q. BROWN FILM/ television reel
starring by /written by/ actor(s) / director(s() / gaffers(s)/ /producered by(s) : VINCENT BROWN
something no one worked on but VINCENT Q. BROWN himself…
Mr Speelburg, please stop returning my manuscript with red marks all over it. I will continue to resend it until it is 1) read 2)) purchased 3))) heaped praise upon and 4)))) YOU SHUT UP.
TOM. did you just godwin our housemate
because you did
JIM. jawhol, mein fuhrer
TOM. it’s gotta get done, and hey, fascism makes the trains run on time.
JIM. i’m just speaking german
you are projecting all over me
TOM. I cleaned the kitchen, and did not speak out
I cleaned the bathroom, and did not speak out
I cleaned my bedroom, and did not speak out
and when I was finished, there was nowhere left to clean
After having tried many times to sell scripts commercially, I am pleased to announce that I am now in the bzneszs of selling commercial scripts! I hope you like them (I know I do!) as much as I do. Please contact the appropriate companies and let them know they need to use these commercials or the consequences will be worse than anything their darkest imaginations can imagine.
The jury has already seen the letters from David Shore and Rick Duffield that led my client down that dangerous road of rejection. The elitist producers themselves are to blame for their respective murders. My client merely wanted to entertain the world with his daringly-edgy screenplays, but the world snubbed him… the world was not ready. I now will put the final nail in their coffins. Let us re-examine this letter from Daniel Lupi, that the prosecution so stupidly believes demonstrates motive, to see why it pushed my client over the edge.
Mr. Brown,
Let me be clear from the outset. I am not interested in producing “There Will Be Blood II: This Time There’s More Blood”.
General, I have found the requested images—they were waiting in ambush on the first page of the Google Image Search!
We’re sorry, Mr. Brown, but since “Wishbone®” is a childrens’ show intended to educate and entertain youngsters, there is no conscionable way we can air the recently-penned episode. While “Wishbone®” scripts of the past have featured dark themes and preserved unhappy endings, your adaptation of “Titus Andronicus” goes too far. Admittedly, if it were merely faithful to the original text we might have just gone ahead with it, but your gratuitous incorporation of the Spanish Inquisition into its overbearing plot does not meet the needs of this network at this time.
Your teleplay does not meet the needs of the network at this time. House, M.D. has a full staff of writers. Furthermore, they are generally competent in crafting plots and/or grammatical sentences, which is more than I can say about you.
Your two-page, improperly-formatted manuscript is enclosed. My reader actually specifically requested that she be given permission to take a shit on it first, but I reviewed her employment papers and it was not in her job description. You have dodged a bullet, Mr. Brown.
