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IRON MAN is busy making a science in his cool house. (note to producers: this movie must make enough money for me to have a house like that ok?) IRON MAN’S FRIEND comes in and says, Hi iron man I used to be your friend but now i am your ENEMY He steals Iron Man’s science and walks away!!! To whom it may yourselfs concern, I am an experienced writer of several “you-Tube” video’s/films and would like to contribute my experientise to your upcoming title, Mass Effect 3. (Assuming you’re not skipping straight ahead to Mass Effect 4, LOL) I have played the first two games but I may not have paid much attention to the second one cause after the sex scene with Miranda I masturbated pretty much constantly. Anyway, you should hire me as Mass Effect 3′s Chief Writer (or Master Chief Writer if you gather my drift). To prove my amplitude, here are some sample storylines. Oh and I won’t be hurt if you don’t use the Wrex striptease one.
PREVIOUSLY, ON LOST About four minutes pass while we see shit we’ve already obsessively watched four to six times. INT. THE JUNGLE – NOONISH A figure crashes through the jungle. the music tells us it is important We can’t see who it is INT. SUN’S GARDEN Sun is in her garden. CREAKY CRASHY She turns around to see who the creaky crashy is no one is there INT. THE JUNGLE CRASH SNAP BREAK go the twigs and branches, whoever it is, sure is runnin’. Meanwhile, the list of Guest Stars gives away that it is Mira Furlan’s character crashing through the underbrush. INT. SUN’S GARDEN Mira Furlan’s character (Rew Sew) crashes out of the underbrush. I am not wearing a bra. A giant “LOST” flies toward the screen to tell the audience that the characters are LOST just in case they forgot THE BOUNTY HUNTER GRIMLY Stared tadeusz down the barrel of his hackbow. It is the bounty hunter who is doing the staring, in case that wasn’t clear. Also, a hackbow is a crossbow that shoots hacksaw blades, if that wasn’t clear also. “Ha ha ha,” the bounty man said, inching hisfingers closer to the trigger, “I will collect lots of rupees for this fine catch?!” Tadeusz boredly examined his fingernails. “Ho hum,” said he. He was not concerned because he had A SECRET PLAN. Shhhh! Don’t tell the bounty hunter.
starring by /written by/ actor(s) / director(s() / gaffers(s)/ /producered by(s) : VINCENT BROWN something no one worked on but VINCENT Q. BROWN himself… BREAKING BAD JIM and TOM are in the anti-bee bunker. JIM. so our housemate says we should clean TOM. yes yes and yes JIM. arbeit macht frei, das flanderson TOM. did you just godwin our housemate JIM. jawhol, mein fuhrer TOM. it’s gotta get done, and hey, fascism makes the trains run on time. JIM. i’m just speaking german TOM. I cleaned the kitchen, and did not speak out JIM. you didn’t clean your room After having tried many times to sell scripts commercially, I am pleased to announce that I am now in the bzneszs of selling commercial scripts! I hope you like them (I know I do!) as much as I do. Please contact the appropriate companies and let them know they need to use these commercials or the consequences will be worse than anything their darkest imaginations can imagine. Sincerely yours friend, A play in two acts by Vincent Brown ACT ONE JIM and TOM are somewhere. TOM wants JIM to write about two things: either carrots, or BEES. The jury has already seen the letters from David Shore and Rick Duffield that led my client down that dangerous road of rejection. The elitist producers themselves are to blame for their respective murders. My client merely wanted to entertain the world with his daringly-edgy screenplays, but the world snubbed him… the world was not ready. I now will put the final nail in their coffins. Let us re-examine this letter from Daniel Lupi, that the prosecution so stupidly believes demonstrates motive, to see why it pushed my client over the edge. Mr. Brown, Let me be clear from the outset. I am not interested in producing “There Will Be Blood II: This Time There’s More Blood”.
We’re sorry, Mr. Brown, but since “Wishbone®” is a childrens’ show intended to educate and entertain youngsters, there is no conscionable way we can air the recently-penned episode. While “Wishbone®” scripts of the past have featured dark themes and preserved unhappy endings, your adaptation of “Titus Andronicus” goes too far. Admittedly, if it were merely faithful to the original text we might have just gone ahead with it, but your gratuitous incorporation of the Spanish Inquisition into its overbearing plot does not meet the needs of this network at this time.
Dear Mr. Brown, Your teleplay does not meet the needs of the network at this time. House, M.D. has a full staff of writers. Furthermore, they are generally competent in crafting plots and/or grammatical sentences, which is more than I can say about you. Your two-page, improperly-formatted manuscript is enclosed. My reader actually specifically requested that she be given permission to take a shit on it first, but I reviewed her employment papers and it was not in her job description. You have dodged a bullet, Mr. Brown. |
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