|
|||||||||||
|
Ashkenazi From Rhineland spreadin’ down Don’t get confused I almost never hear anything when people sing. It’s all Charlie-Brown’s-Teacher noises until the song ends. Wa wama wa wa. But with some songs, it’s worse than others, to the point that I start to suspect that they’re doing it deliberately. Let me clarify. I’m not talking about Mondegreens. I’m not talking about Fuck It’s an Owl. I’m not talking about “Good King Wenceslas Lost his Crown”. I’m talking about cases where I don’t just mishear words. When I don’t hear anything. And I secretly suspect that’s because, with most of these, there aren’t actually any words.
“Yo yo yo, my rhymes be ill, my words be crass Ahhhh… the only rap song to ever use the Shepard scale. When we set up our new ads, I set them as NSFW. Porn, see, isn’t allowed on our advertising network, and by NSFW, they basically mean, anything your grandma wouldn’t want to see. Clunkline definitely qualifies. But, having tagged ourselves as NSFW, we are now getting ads for dildos and erotica read aloud by a sultry, lusty female. Inspired by our foxy new advertisers, MesmericKiwi, me, and the ironically-named Senator Bongledongle decided that now was the opportune time to ruin our future careers in politics. Just FYI, this is pretty horrible and you should not listen to it.
Mayweather Syndrome is a debilitating condition that results in audience apathy. Onset of symptoms occurs whenever Travis Mayweather opens his mouth. Shortly thereafter, the cancer of his atrocious acting metastasizes to the other cast members, eventually killing the appeal of the show. There is no known cure for Mayweather Syndrome. I listen to better music than you do. I know this, partly because I also know more about music than you do, but mostly because all of your favorite bands either suck, or they were way better before people like you started listening to them. Also you’re ugly and you smell bad. Go away. Is he gone yet? Good, I hated that guy. Anyway, the reason I have such a high standard in music is that every band I encounter is first put through a strict test to determine exactly how much I like them on a 0-100 scale. For this quiz, each band starts with 50 points, then add or subtract points based on the answers to the following questions: Public Access TV will always be known as the proto-YouTube for people who cared about their idiotic obsessions enough to apply to have them broadcast, but not enough to put any time or thought into them. Sometimes the results were abominable. Sometimes they were just merely atrocious. And sometimes… they were ineffable. Take, for instance, this fellow on the Hurdy-Gurdy: Grabass_Champion’s recent expose did not go far enough in revealing McCain’s hidden loyalties. I will finish the job. I know it seems like John McCain doesn’t actually seem to be a terrorist, but behold! I have unveiled his secret plane-flying job. John McCain is Osama bin Laden. Now I’ll demonstrate how similar they sound using my wicked sweet counter-terrorism skills.
I know it seems like John McCain doesn’t actually use the internet, but behold! I have unveiled his secret Internet job. John McCain is the voice actor for Senor Cardgage, a character on homestarrunner.com. Now I’ll demonstrate how similar they sound using my wicked sweet interweb skills.
|
Entries feed:
Comments feed:
|
||||||||||
Copyright © 2013 Clunkline - All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress & the Atahualpa Theme by BytesForAll. Discuss on our WP Forum 191 queries. 0.836 seconds. View in: Mobile | Standard
|
|||||||||||
