Music « Clunkline

Move

Jan. 14, 2012, 13:06 by FooTay

Ashkenazi

Jul. 5, 2010, 5:35 by shellapanic

Ashkenazi
the smash new single from:
ליידי גאגא

From Rhineland spreadin’ down
To Alsace in the south.
Those medieval Hebrews,
Ashkenazi Jews.
Bring your Minhagim.
We’ll be so Halakhacal.

Don’t get confused
Cuz I’m not Sephardic.
You’re not sure what that means,
But you love my Yiddish.
Love my Yiddishkeit.
Yeshiva’ll help you get it right.
Cuz I know that maybe you…

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Songs that Don't Actually Have Any Lyrics

Dec. 12, 2009, 3:08 by Tanzmetall, nom de pomme

I almost never hear anything when people sing. It’s all Charlie-Brown’s-Teacher noises until the song ends. Wa wama wa wa. But with some songs, it’s worse than others, to the point that I start to suspect that they’re doing it deliberately.

Let me clarify. I’m not talking about Mondegreens. I’m not talking about Fuck It’s an Owl. I’m not talking about “Good King Wenceslas Lost his Crown”. I’m talking about cases where I don’t just mishear words. When I don’t hear anything. And I secretly suspect that’s because, with most of these, there aren’t actually any words.

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MC Escher was the Worst Rapper Ever

Dec. 7, 2009, 2:19 by Tanzmetall

“Yo yo yo, my rhymes be ill, my words be crass
don’t get up in my grill, I’ll tesselate cho ass!
Bitch, it ain’t mine, don’t get up in my face
or I’ll shove you down an infinite staircase.”

Ahhhh… the only rap song to ever use the Shepard scale.

Paging Dr. Phlox: Enterprise Suffers from Mayweather Syndrome

Nov. 14, 2009, 19:52 by Tanzmetall

His wiki says he’s “quiet”. Wonder why they wrote him that way….

Mayweather Syndrome is a debilitating condition that results in audience apathy. Onset of symptoms occurs whenever Travis Mayweather opens his mouth. Shortly thereafter, the cancer of his atrocious acting metastasizes to the other cast members, eventually killing the appeal of the show.

There is no known cure for Mayweather Syndrome.

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The “How Much Do I Like This Band” Quiz

Aug. 24, 2009, 14:30 by FooTay

I listen to better music than you do. I know this, partly because I also know more about music than you do, but mostly because all of your favorite bands either suck, or they were way better before people like you started listening to them. Also you’re ugly and you smell bad. Go away.

Is he gone yet? Good, I hated that guy.

Anyway, the reason I have such a high standard in music is that every band I encounter is first put through a strict test to determine exactly how much I like them on a 0-100 scale. For this quiz, each band starts with 50 points, then add or subtract points based on the answers to the following questions:

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Tales of Public Access TV: Go Tell It on the Hurdy-Gurdy

Mar. 9, 2009, 22:53 by Tanzmetall, Burpen

Public Access TV will always be known as the proto-YouTube for people who cared about their idiotic obsessions enough to apply to have them broadcast, but not enough to put any time or thought into them. Sometimes the results were abominable. Sometimes they were just merely atrocious. And sometimes… they were ineffable.

Take, for instance, this fellow on the Hurdy-Gurdy: