Triumph of the Dave and Busters

I hate Dave & Busters. I’ve hated them for a long time. It has nothing to do with their staggeringly overpriced french fries, their usurious activation fees for their cards, or that dumb way that they connect all their fans together with gears and belts. No, it runs much deeper.

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It's Mmm-Mmm Good!

From the Text Message In/Outbox of Brian Jacques

hey brian what r u doin for dinner tonight


Well, my good fellow, I have prepared a delectable meal of honeyed buttermilk scones, complemented with a fruit salad of pears, strawberries, and blueberries, covered with a fine whipped cream.

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Obama Pushes Magic Reset Button

Immediately after his inauguration on Tuesday, President Barack Obama pushed the Magic Economic Reset Button located in the Oval Office. The Magic Reset Button immediately fixed various complex problems without any short-term sacrifices or any need for patience.

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Where Are They Now: The Cup from 2Girls1Cup

Although the Cup burst into A-list stardom with one spectacular feature, many casual moviegoers are unfamiliar with the Cup’s other theatrical work.

The Cup’s debut was humble: as a stool sample cup on House, MD. After that non-speaking role, it moved on to become a production assistant on Battlestar Galactica, where it carried coffee to Edward James Olmos.

After its lucky break, it scored a handful of high-profile roles, including another big role in the blockbuster sequel, 2Cup2Furious: Porcelain Drift.

However, outside of the poop-cup franchise, the Cup has been largely unable to land starring roles in major features. It attempted to get another coffee-carrying job in The Wrestler, but, for some reason, nobody wanted to drink out of it.


Article was originally created by Tanzmetall and published by readme.

Loser Student a Reject at School for Losers

When it comes to losers, size matters.

Chicago is busy constructing a school for the victims of bullying. That’s great—they should build more schools like this, for my amusement. Because you see, in every social circle imaginable, someone will be picked on. I have fun imagining the guy who’s a big enough loser to get picked on at THIS school.

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List of Rejected Lists

List of list of rejected lists

1. List of Cheap and Useful College Textbooks

2. List of Surprisingly-Cordial Sex Offenders

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Obama-Bush Meeting Ends with Two-Hour Risk Game

President-Elect Barack Obama and President George Bush had a meeting last Thursday to discuss national security matters. However, the meeting quickly got sidetracked when Obama noticed Bush’s Collector’s Edition Risk set.

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Obama Nominates Starcraft General to be S.o.D.

The zerglings look angrier than usual.

President-Elect Obama shocked many in the punditocracy by nominating Chin Soo-Choo, the world’s only 5-star Starcraft general, to be his Secretary of Defense. “Chin has all the qualities that I look for in a general: he has a complete grasp of the proper use of High Templar, he is unbeatable when playing Zerg, and he is so über-micro it’s ridiculous.”

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Student Runs Out of Excuses

IS major Dan Chorros recently became at a loss to explain away his chronic tardiness, absence, and apathy. Once a master of making excuses, he found himself rationalizing his lethargy with extremely weak reasoning.

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Top Phrases You Never Knew Were About Sex

Putting two and two together.

1. I like the cut of your jib.

2. You can have your cake and eat it too.

3. It’s like putting a square peg in a round hole.

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Student-Taught Courses that Didn’t Make it Past the Drawing Board

Understanding Furries
History of Procrastination
How to Grow a Beard
Breaking and Entering for Beginners

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Guide to Pittsburgh Poo Spots

Hey, Pittsburgh urban explorers and tourists! Make sure to check out these spots that smell like poo.

Location: Fifth Ave. and Amberson
Cause: Sewer and unfortunate wind currents
Fun Fact: Plumbers deliberately built the sewer to be pungent, to be a lasting monument to sewage workers everywhere.

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Poor Man’s Substitutes

For every genuine product, there are cheap ripoffs meant for mass consumption.

Equilibrium: Poor Man’s Matrix
Runescape: Poor Man’s WoW
3: Poor Man’s Pi

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Third Party Candidate “Maybe” Spoils Referendum

The narrow victory of “Yes” on Election Day appears to be due, in part, to interference from Reform Party’s “Maybe”, which received 4% of the popular vote. According to exit polling data, 2/3 of Maybe voters had No as a second choice. Had Maybe not been on the ballot, it is highly probable that No would have won.

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