RISK World News

The siege of Greenland continues into its third turn as Blue forces continue their relentless push to unify the western world. Only three Yellow defenders now hold the American choke point, but the partisans have held their ground in a move top Blue officials are calling “soooooo lucky,” and “total bullshit.” Despite the gloomy predictions of both Yellow and Blue commanders, the Greenland Defenders have been victorious against twenty attacking Blues, including 7 ties that went to the defenders. Tan has offered military advice, saying Blue shouldn’t roll all three of his dice in light of the bad luck streak, but all military aid has been refused. Blue has vowed to continue its push against Greenland, but experts feel the European superpower has left itself open to attack.

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The Adventures of Wallgrampa.jpg

The original, wherein Wallgrampa poses for all the internet.
Being Wallgrampa, his biopic.

This image of a cheery but bizarrely-clothed Russian tourist appeared in Burpen’s Samba article a few months back. Although not as repulsive as the infamous awkward.jpg, the only thing stopping us from photoshopping him into strange situations months ago was our lack of time. But now, with finals looming for the students among us, excuses not to work are treasured.

And so I bring you: the Lurid Life of Lyurej.

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Maverick maverick

Sarah Palin has been ignoring the McCain campaign’s orders and just kind of running her own (even sloppier) campaign. Apparently she values the advice of a View host over that of her campaign’s managers. What a maverick of the maverick.

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McCain Releases New Web Video

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) announced over the weekend that he would be committing to a new shift in strategy, but few before today could have been sure exactly what he meant. His new internet ad, titled Economic Stimulus Package, shows him bailing out Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK), seizing control of the markets and giving it to her, and releasing his rebate check all over her face.

It is as popular as it is controversial.

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Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

I’ve just thought of a very frightening reason the potential for a McCain presidency is so dangerous.

John McCain is really old. He’s 71. Most people don’t even make it that far before cancer whisks them down under a big bunch of dirt. That has led people to conclude that it’s important when looking at McCain to also look at who he chooses as a running mate. The running mate is likely to at least get a good year or so in for the presidency if McCain is elected, ’cause he’ll die. Now comes the scary part.

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Accurate San Diego Weather Forecast

(The screen displays a graphic of a freshly flattened dolphin, with the caption “ROADKILL!”)

Dale, the Sports Guy: And that’s why my wife left me.

Penny, the Anchor: Thanks Dale. Boy, figure skating really is boring as [bleep], isn’t it?

Dale: I’m going to go drink myself to sleep now.

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Accurate Pittsburgh Weather Forecast

(The screen displays a graphic of a freshly flattened rodent, with the caption “ROADKILL!”)

Bubba, the Sports Guy: So, it looks like Benny the water skiing squirrel won’t be doing any more cute tricks in the near future. Back to you guys.

Chip, the Anchor: Thanks Bubba. Boy, the Cincinnati Bengals sure can punt those Chihuahuas, can’t they?

Bubba: I’m going to go hang myself now.

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The Lost Episodes of a Struggling Screenwriter

He is tryeing but he cant’
and it makes him sad

Dear Mr. Brown,

Your teleplay does not meet the needs of the network at this time. House, M.D. has a full staff of writers. Furthermore, they are generally competent in crafting plots and/or grammatical sentences, which is more than I can say about you.

Your two-page, improperly-formatted manuscript is enclosed. My reader actually specifically requested that she be given permission to take a shit on it first, but I reviewed her employment papers and it was not in her job description. You have dodged a bullet, Mr. Brown.

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Mike Gravel is Still Running?!

He’d do better as an Obama Girl.


Mike Gravel is still running from his problems. Like, that he had only raised $380,000 by the end of the third quarter of 2007, or that he received 400 votes–four hundred votes–of 280,000 in New Hampshire. Or that, since then, he has apparently lost to candidates who had dropped out of the race. Also, Never Forget: Michigan, where he lost by more than an order of magnitude to “Uncommitted”. Oh, and P.S., the primary there was meaningless.

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