This cross structure could be built into the arrangement of a city’s streets. The protocol for multiple planes using more than one runway at once was a bit suspect, however.

This idea pitted the planes against a pitched surface, allowing for a space saving compact spiral. The pilots would have to land a plane at a roughly 17 degree horizontal angle, and passengers would be subjected to some 3.4 times the force of gravity due to angular acceleration.

These tarmac loops could be added to any runway to add linear deceleration distance by expanding the runway vertically.

The stack structure is considered del Mutel’s quintessential plan. A three-tiered vertical parking deck type structure consisting of runways from which various aircraft would take off and land simultaneously.

Let’s begin with a fact: Bulgaria is terrible. Bulgarians are smelly, lazy, insignificant, irrepressible, vulgar, despicable, ridiculous, intolerant, abominable, horrific, sticky, mean, lacking in hygiene, builders of poor quality swimming pools, overweight, ugly, stupid, turd-like, ramshackle, and generally unpleasant at all times. There is basically nothing that Bulgaria has ever done that has influenced the world positively, and there is little evidence that will ever change.

Cuisine
The people there enjoy eating a foul mixture of the content’s of pig’s intestines stewed outside in an open pot for three days at 60 degrees F mixed with the urine of goats and the bark from local poisonous trees.

Fashion
Their clothing looks like it was made during the winter in the Soviet Union out of rocks and fish scales, and it itches terribly no matter how many layers of western clothing you wear underneath.

History
Bulgaria is the only state to have fought on the losing side of both 20th century World Wars and still exist. Clearly, they are evil as well as backwards.

Infrastructure
Roads, hospitals, sports venues, public buildings, harbors, and airports in Bulgaria are either non-existent or Iron Age quality, having been built in the Iron Age. In fact, Bulgaria’s only brief period of progressiveness was during the Iron Age, from 8:47PM on August 14th, 602 B.C. to 5:18PM the next day, with early inventor Klandicvilslaw Greafiortysk the Younger developing a new “Automatic-Shit-Hole-System”, driven by cogs and levers, before his village was routed by Thracian forces campaigning to civilize the barbarian region.

Sport
Truly, there is no reason for Bulgaria to exist, other than for the world to have a gigantic garbage dump at the ready. Bulgaria’s national fascination is a combination soccer-water-polo, played in a mud pit up to your waist with shackles on. There are no rules to the game but it doesn’t matter because it usually devolves into a fistfight in a matter of minutes.

Military
Bulgaria’s army is composed of three regiments of mounted pitch-forkers, one regiment of heavy Goat, an air force consisting of an ornithopter with a crossbow lashed to one wing, and a navy of sixteen first-rate ships of the line, purchased from Portugal in 1613. These now rest at anchor in the Yurbek Mud Flats.

Communications
There is one telephone line that runs into Bulgaria. The line to use the phone is usually fifteen days long, and each call lasts twenty seconds or less on pain of being beaten to death with a goat. There are no computers except some parts of ENIAC in the national laboratory, the most advanced mud hut in Sofia, the capital.

Politics
The Bulgarian president/monarch attempts to rule with an iron fist, but is generally ignored. No one cares about what he has to say, and the soldiers are loyal to themselves. Revolts break out on an hourly basis, rebellions about once a month, and revolutions occur about three times a year.

Economy
The national economy is half based on a medieval style goat-wool market and half based on international organized crime interests. There is no government regulation, and some major goat merchants make a relatively good living. (That is to say, they are able to buy more than one day’s worth of radishes at a time.)

Tourism
Bulgaria is probably the second most unsafe place to be on Earth after Antarctica. There is no reason to go there and very few who do ever return.

Conclusion
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading my finding on the fascinating and beautiful land of Bulgaria. Truly, their culture and peoples are a testament to Earth’s diversity and they will never cease amazing us. Make sure to look for the next edition of Guide soon!

I took a drag from my cigarette and kicked Tanzmetall in the ribs. Nothing but a bloody death rattle from him. He was a goner for sure, and by lucky chance he had saved me some work. NDP was down, and I made sure he stayed down for good.

They were in the palm of my hand the whole time. I let NDP think he was gettin’ away with murder, and two-timed Tanzmetall like a pro. The shmaltzy galoot. I had him thinkin’ I was really carrying a torch for him.

My MoatJon mask and overcoat I dropped in the drink. I wouldn’t been needing it anymore. With Grabass and Burpen under my control and Tanzmetall and NDP out of the way, the game was mine. Men are so easy to play, when the money is good and the sex is better.

I slid the snub-nosed back into my garter holster and pulled my sunglasses and driving scarf out of my bag. With the money I had embezzled from the Project Wonderful and merch account, it was certainly going to be a wonderful trip for me: all the way to Argentina. I already had the forums under my control, and once the website had collapsed, I had plans to open the floodgates to buyers: flash ads, porn sites, popups and viruses from China: you name it. It was gonna be big. And it was gonna be all for me.

My stilettos clacked against the wood pier as I walked. I dialed my contact at main Clunkline HQ to get the ball rolling, get the party started, all that jazz.

“Burpen. I need you to change up how the articles display.”

It was our signal for an unsafe phone connection, he was gonna put through the money from his credit card for my plane ticket when I gave the go-ahead.

“Transaction finished in 10 seconds,” he replied. “See you soon?”

“Always,” I said with a smile. “Give my regards to Grabass.” Sucker. I let the time run out before I pressed the detonator button on my belt. So much for soon, sweetcakes. I didn’t want you or anyone who could spill the beans on my operation lying around. So I blew him and Grabass sky-high, on a little permanent vacation of their own. The forums server was safe and sound in my hotel room, ready to go.

I beat it back to the sleazy joint to get my stuff. You could see the smoke from here, hear the sirens rushing to the other side of town. I flagged a cab, convinced the cabbie to get me to the airport double quick. People would do whatever you want, for a double peek down the ol’ low-cut blouse.

Now it was nothin’ but blue skies, white beaches, and a blown kiss out the plane window from my first-class seat as I left that old life behind.

You remember your old schoolmate Frank? The one you shared a dorm room with for three years at U. Delaware? Who you hadn’t seen for eight years? He met us at the airport and came in with us, but was one of the first of our group to perish in a pit of lava. Upon contact with its surface, he too flew unrealistically high into the air and plummeted dramatically beneath the ground. On a side note, I find the physics of your lava most curious.

Twenty-two of us (twenty-two!) died just trying to come to your dinner party, Ted! Can you imagine how awkward that made dinner? I feel it’s necessary to ask, on behalf of any future guests you might have, to reconsider the way you’ve designed your interior. Perhaps make it a tad less grim, a touch brighter, and maybe a few spike pits less deadly. Is it really necessary to have so many ghosts and armed turtles clogging the hallways? If it is, in the future, could you please train them to read a dinner invitation? You’re lucky those of us that survived really wanted to come.

Oh, and perhaps worst of all, we lost our housewarming gift while we were swimming through your water chambers. A new one is in the mail. I should point out on no uncertain terms that you are responsible for the delay.

Sincerely,
Your friend,

Bill Martins

P.S. The crèpes were delicious.

SUNDAY, MAY 11, 2008
2:57 P.M. Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, was arrested in connection with a string of muggings in front of the police station. Suspect was released on bail.

MONDAY, MAY 12, 2008
11:46 A.M. Suspect was brought in to Francis Airport’s medical center with 5 bulletwounds after gunning down three officers. The suspect, Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, was treated and released.

4:34 P.M. Sgt. Gaffigan rescued a kitten from a tree.

TUESDAY, MAY 13, 2008

6:29 P.M. Police received a call about a carjacking on Albany Avenue. Responders were assaulted by Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, who was armed with grenades and a shotgun. Four officers died; actor was injured, treated, told not to do it again, and released.

10:49 P.M. Sgt. Gaffigan responded to a domestic disturbance call, and managed to counsel the couple in question to see that there were better ways to show they cared.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 14, 2008
5:41 P.M. An actor, described as a caucasian male, 6’1”, early forties, led police on a brutal chase on city streets in an ice cream truck. Actor was armed with an automatic rifle and a rocket-propelled grenade. Five police cars, one SWAT van, and a LCPD helicopter were totaled. Fourteen officers were injured or killed. The actor disappeared into Nico Bellic’s nearby condominium and was not pursued. He has yet to be identified, and investigators are working on a list of possible suspects.

9:12 P.M. Sgt. Gaffigan helped a little old blind lady cross the street.

THURSDAY, MAY 15, 2008
7:17 PM. Police were alerted to the presence of a disturbance in the Bay. Disturbance presented itself as one Mr. Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, standing in a stolen yacht and firing rockets willy-nilly into the park. Three joggers were taken into North Alderney Hospital for treatment, two listed in critical condition as of the time of publication. An LCPD helicopter was disabled immediately upon responding. Witnesses attest that they saw Mr. Bellic ground his yacht and assault beachgoers with his fists, a baseball bat, and a submachine gun. An ambulance sent to evacuate the injured was stolen by Mr. Bellic. Squad cars were then forced to pursue him down the subway tracks, where three cars, one subway train, and forty-three civilians were obliterated when he derailed the train with a grenade. Upon emerging from the subway tracks, he was cornered by a half-dozen units, two of which survived and brought Mr. Bellic to justice, and to the hospital, where he was treated for his injuries. The Force is sorry to report that its three-time Employee of the Month, Sgt. James Gaffigan, perished in the subway.

FRIDAY, MAY 16, 2008
No crime to report. (Mr. Bellic still in hospital.)

SATURDAY, MAY 17, 2008
2:23 P.M. Nico Bellic, 39, of Middle Park East, was brought in for questioning regarding his involvement in the hijacking of a garbage truck and running down of guests at Sgt. Gaffigan’s funeral. Suspect was informed that repeat offenses would not be tolerated, and that he was testing the city’s patience. He is expected to be released Sunday afternoon.