The first sign of a concussion is usually the onset of sudden unexpected telekinesis. This telekinesis will often begin manifesting in short bursts of unconscious control over many elements and bouts of force, which may become dangerously conscious at any time. In extreme cases, this unrestrained psychic ability can lead to the forming of unlicensed, unstabilized hiveminds which recognize other beauties beyond the four dictated by Charon.
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Hawaii has a surprisingly gritty underside. No place on Earth is free of stupidity… they just all have different stupidities, and some are more stupid than others. Maybe I wouldn’t have seen so much of this if I had the money to be a real tourist, but I scraped the bottom of the barrel, and here are the splinters I got.
A different perspective on events eight years old. Following pressure from President Bin Laden, the Senate voted unanimously to invade North America, a fascist nation thought to be harboring terrorists from the fundamentalist Christian terrorist group Project for a New American Century. Known for their megalomaniacal aims, gross nationalism, and no qualms about using force, the Project for a New American Century is the United States of the Middle East Except For Israel’s greatest foe: an axis of evil unilaterally disseminating their fundamentalist propaganda, and sending thousands of well-armed terrorists surging into USMEEFI territories. The following is a formal director’s proposal I made to the theater group to which I belong. Important backstory: A Few Good Men, by Aaron Sorkin, was also proposed for this slot. Troopergate is a contemporary legal drama by Stephen Branchflower. Based on true events in his own life, it chronicles Branchflower’s attempts to dig to the bottom of a mess of personal vendettas and political conspiracies surrounding the firing of an Alaska State department head by the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.
In an FEC-sanctioned contest, Barack Obama (D-IL) and Sarah Palin (R-AK) will square off in a one-on-one basketball match to determine the winner of this tossup state. The measure is already being praised as “more fair than the Electoral College” by commentators hoping it is a standard soon to be used nationwide.
Sarah Palin’s at-best-unimpressive performance in a recent ABC interview revealed conclusively why she hasn’t given any other interviews. “She showed she had no understanding whatsoever of the world at large,” said Mory Ellison, a stupid person. “As a person who is dumber than a brick, that speaks to me.”
McCain, attempting to appeal to a demographic that self-identifies as something other than “crotchety old fart”, picked Sarah Palin as his running mate today. Seeking to prove that he selected the least qualified person for the job, he quickly pointed out that she’s been a Governor of only 500,000 people for only a year and a half, during which she has wasted no time being investigated over corruption. Before that, she was a mayor of a town of 5,000 people. “If the contest is between Obama’s inexperience and Palin’s inexperience, I’m certain the American people will recognize how completely unqualified she will be to take over after my inevitable heart attack in February 2009.” “It’s not just because she has a vagina,” he said, clearing up that issue for everyone. Senator Stevens is attempting to move his trial to Alaska. Like before, with Federal funds or lobbyists’ gifts, his solution to his problems is to put things where they shouldn’t go. It’s another incident in a lifetime of corruption. Stevens should consider kicking his habit of dumping things onto big trucks and moving them places they don’t belong. It’s a trial that, like the bridge, is going nowhere. I doubt we will see Stevens placed behind a series of bars. Administrator: Meeting has started. ALABAMA – In what is being hailed as a “Thermidorian Redaction”, Birmingham News copy editor Hal Jasperson is scheduled to be hanged for “gratuitous and repeated punnage to the mind-evisceration of any and all who would read it”, according to Mayor Larry Langford. Many of his infractions are so severe that they have been forbidden to ever be printed or spoken of again on pain of death. |
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