It’s really startin’ to get fucked. I know my stepmom’s a bitch, but that’s no excuse, really. I’m sure there’s plenty of girls who’ve had to clean the house. I guess that’s what I get for downin’ a fifth of Grey Goose before I got down to cleanin’ shit up. I’ve blacked out before, but that was a real dick move on her part to get the handyman to drag my passed-out ass into the fuckin’ woods. I was so paranoid that he was gonna try to kill me. When I came to I just started runnin’ like they lit a fire under my ass. I heard gunshots and a half an oink in the distance…
I returned Peter’s stash to its rightful (though dare I say unlawful!) place, and soon enough Peter returned in a similarly criminal manner. I could see in his bloodshot eyes that awful gleam of knowing. Like any good spy, I had returned his rifled-through things to their original places, carefully restacking the most casual of stacks, etc, and though any layman would have been none the wiser, something in those flat eyes knew that I knew that he was a fiend, both horticulturally and demonologically.
Whoa. I am soooooo wasted right now. Like, you have no idea. Yeah, it’s awesome. Isn’t it awesome? Don’t you think I’m awesome? I think I’m awesome. Did I mention how totally smashed I am right now? Because I am.
ABC – “Extreme Makeover: Mobile Home Edition”
In this ill-advised reimagining of the popular “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” series, Ty and the gang recruit 300 Sears employees to help turn a dumpy trailer into a slightly less dumpy trailer. Disaster is narrowly averted in the first episode when the trailer’s occupants emerge carrying shotguns and blast away at the camera crew, but 15 minutes and only three fatalities later, they are subdued using large quantities of alcohol.
Man, I am so hungover right now. I’ve been lying here in this bed for what seems like days. This sucks balls. The last 24 hours are a black hole of memory, and my head feels like it’s got the San Andreas Fault running through it. I don’t even remember what time I went to bed last night.
Here, Grabass_Champion puts on his Social Commentary hat, and wishes to address a problem that is one of his paramount complaints about his society, all the while hoping to amuse you while he preaches. It worked for South Park, right? Being preachy but funny? Yeah. We’ll see. This is probably going to be heavy on the preachy part.
TL;DR for the whole series: Kids of the generations that will enter the workforce during the next ten years are (in the majority) nihilistic, self-obsessed, pot-addled shits with little desire to understand anything about the world around them. They are this because of the media, and because they’ve been brought up by the people who came out of the cultural revolution of the 1960s.
It has been my experience in life that people, by and large, are horrible bastards. Obviously the way to fix this problem is by becoming one myself. Here are some of my favorite tricks!
1. Going into the office of the student organization that picks bands for concerts and playing nerdy power metal at full blast
(If they ask me to turn it down I usually respond by yelling the names of Pokemon until they go away)
2. Passing people on the right, cutting them off, braking before any and all green lights, all the while peeing out the window on pedestrians
3. Going in to banks with 97 coupons labeled “cash value 1/100th of a cent” and asking if they can give me a loan for the other 3/100ths
(See it’s annoying cause I don’t have a credit rating)
Actually, it’s going to be more about how it’s “like learning French from the Internet at large.” But that wasn’t nearly good enough to be title material. So…
Recently I’ve been on a useless computer-fucking-around kick, which inevitably means that I’ve been (as I have on and off [but more off] for years) dabbling in the shark, piranha, and frustration-infested waters of Linux. Let me start off by saying that Linux is a great operating system the minute you trick it into doing exactly what you want it to do. Let me also say that Linux is an awful operating system for your blood pressure, your patience, and your level of alcohol consumption while you’re still trying to trick it into doing what you want it to do.
To explain my frustrations with this operating system, I will now create a very weak but possibly humorous analogy between learning Linux and learning the French language, in which I analyze trying to learn the foreign language the way I learned Linux.
A lot of people think that “-core” genres–such as hardcore, metalcore, deathcore, mallcore, and the ever-popular polkacore–are easy to do. Just take any subgenre of actual metal–usually death, black, or thrash metal–and dumb it way down, right? Well, not quite. If you want to form your own “-core” band, there’s a few crucial steps you’ll need to follow.
Those of you among our club-going readership may have noticed a new craze sweeping the scene. But to everyone other than you, Greg, the word DVDA may still be strange and unfamiliar. What is the DVDA? Where did it come from? Can it be cured with penicillin?
