Clunkline

Harvesting nose oil seemed like such a great idea at first. By installing pumps on the faces of unpopular teenagers, we could not only get more energy, but also cure them of acne in the process. Plus, the derricks would make a great conversation piece when on dates, by the gym lockers, and so forth.

This project was abandoned mostly due to lobbying by ACNE Co.’s competitor, ACME. After all, ACME does have a monopoly on stupid bullshit like this.