(Jake / Paul) is seen as an outsider until he mates with a local girl and passes the right of manhood. Eager for vengeance against (the corporation / House Harkonen) for their brutal rape of the world for the precious (unobtanium / spice), a clear analogy for (oil / oil), (Jake / Paul) sets out to unite the tribes together for a final assault by mastering how to ride a (weird bird bat thing / weird worm thing). Despite all odds, the technologically inferior primitives defeat the technological might of their foes, liberating the world and ending happily.

Visually, the movie is stunning with (millions/thousands) spent on state-of-the-art effects. Highlights of the film include a (forgettable / amazing) soundtrack by (the guy who did the “Titanic” soundtrack / mother fucking Sting), cameos by (the sort of hot chick from “Aliens” / the bald captain from Star Trek), and the use of kick-ass looking (VTOL’s / ornithopters) for all transit needs.

(Avatar / Dune) is in theaters (now / 25 years ago)

- Lightning is like nature’s way of hiring a sniper to take out an individual tree, mountain top, flag pole, or tall person in an open field.

- Elements interact blindly just like a room full of people spinning around wearing suits of different types of velcro which only stick to each other in a highly sophisticated pattern.

- A gas exerts pressure equally on all surfaces of its container, like a hundred people in a sealed room trying to get away from someone who just farted after eating only spicy Indian food for the last eighty hours.

- Blood carries oxygen through your body like a pack of sherpas heaving a 19th century British explorer up a sheer mountainside in a sedan chair.

- Pistons in a gas engine fire off mini explosions thousands of times a minute like a line of Mexican banditos standing shoulder to shoulder from the Atlantic to the Pacific emptying their six shooters all at once.

- In a vacuum, a hammer and a feather would fall at the same rate of acceleration just like two freshman girls at their first frat party after downing twenty shots each.

Dear AzureChameleon212:

First I would like to thank you for all of the time and effort you spend patronizing our website and free service, redpornotube.com. Like many of our users, you give back to this community driven website by uploading your own pornographic content, in addition to downloading the content of others.

I would like to note here, however, just for the record, that this trade of data is not very much like the analogy you used in your previous email to us – online videos are in no way like “the cum-stained porno mags of your father’s closet, pages stuck together like thighs.” Indeed I would posit that they are more like the slutty girl at your local highschool – passed around like some form of social currency.

In any case, you are one of our more frequent uploaders, and that is what this email concerns. Our trend indicators note that while six months ago many of your uploads were reposts of content ripped from an obscure and bankrupt (fiscally, that is–they were always so morally) Ukrainian distribution company. That’s perfectly fine in our book. But your recent content, much of it apparently home-produced, has strayed from that bread-and-butter mentality. Indeed, your earlier posts of sweaty Eastern European women being diligently pounded by efficient German men (oh, that was almost a Godwin’s Law reference!) or sporadically filled by the disembodied penis of a disinterested Russian were more than acceptable main-stream quality smut. But your more recent videos are the kind of thing we expect out of recent art students who have turned to pornography as a bigger income source.

I would first like to discuss with you the video from four weeks ago, “Horton Hears a Whore”. The sentiment is great… I loved the whole corruption-of-nature-aspect as the elephant is seduced by the moaning of his tiny neighbors, and the way in which Samantha Who’s whorish schoolgirl machinations for power mirrored and contrasted Horton’s fall from innocence. However, I was uncomfortable with the possible copyright issues vis-à-vis the estate of Dr. Seuss. I would nonetheless like to commend you on your sewing abilities. I especially enjoyed the extra zipper the elephant suit had so that you could still wear it while thrusting your manly agent into the wet snatch of that little speck. I still can’t believe the end, when you actually fucked Whoville itself!

Oh my. It seems that all this talk has worked me up something good. Please forgive me – I shall continue this correspondence soon enough, once the carnal lusts it has brought about are satisfied, perhaps upon an unsuspecting page-boy. Now thats what I call a Congressional Hearing! Sub-committee? I hardly even know the man!

AzureChameleon212, I will be sending a followup letter soon. For now, though, I go to put on my robe, and my wizard’s hat!

TL;DR for the whole series: Kids of the generations that will enter the workforce during the next ten years are (in the majority) nihilistic, self-obsessed, pot-addled shits with little desire to understand anything about the world around them. They are this because of the media, and because they’ve been brought up by the people who came out of the cultural revolution of the 1960s.

One day at work, I found a steel penny in the drawer.

“Cool! A steel penny!” I said.

“Hunh?” Said my co-worker.

“Well, y’see, in 1943, due to restrictions on copper use, they stamped all the pennies out of…”

“I didn’t want a history lesson.”

That’s what first solidified this problem in my mind. This vacuous female had just consciously rejected gaining an innocuous piece of knowledge. And trust me, she’s not alone, no. She’s the norm.

Why would someone refuse to learn something when the opportunity cost of doing so amounts to “time staring at the wall”? Is the wall that interesting? No. In short, staring at the wall is “boring”, but talking about history is “totally gay”.

So, let’s step back a bit. Who am I talking about? My indictment, broad and hypocritical as it may be, encompasses people who are at or near legal “adulthood”, born after about 1984. It especially encompasses those born 1988 or later, because I’ve noticed a significant difference in that generation and beyond even as compared to the drones that inhabit the one before it. Now the disclaimer: This does not apply to all members of these generations. There are a few winners and a whole lot of losers. What we’re finding is that a disproportionate number of them are losers, and even some that may look like “winners” are actually losers upon closer examination. It’s kind of like replacing a baseball team with a random sample of the population: Sure, you’ll get a few fit people, but you’re also guaranteed to get fat baby-factory women, WoW refugees, and heavy smokers.

This is also not to say that we’ve come from a particularly good place. There are an incredible amount of things from our past generations that we’ve got to be ashamed of. This is one of the first times in our history where institutionalized racism is at least kept fairly quiet, for example. So, in my previous analogy, we’ve gone from a team of seriously misguided athletes to a team of more subtly (but not really any less seriously) misguided heavy smokers, and paraplegic recovering meth heads with cerebral palsy.

The rest of this series addresses the nature of this generation’s intellectual impotence and postulates reasons for it.

Apathy

Apathy is really cool. When someone tells you something and you can just like, say, “whatever,” because you’re above caring about it, you reek awesomeness and will likely soon be given some sort of sexual gratification. Example:

“Hey, you over there, the volcano is erupting! Get in my car, I’ll drive you to safety!”

“Dude, whatever.” ::Turns to friend:: “Dude, they cared sooo much about that volcano. Volcanoes are gay.”

“Yeah, man, you got some dope? We totally gotta smoke up.”

The young person categorizes things two ways: Either something is “cool” or it is “gay”. They get these categories from their peers, and from the media. Things that are “gay” are usually also “boring”. Things that are “cool” are almost always very stimulating. Let’s look at a list of things that are “cool”.

Cool

Popular Music: Popular music is a paramount aspect of the young person experience. It is often how they divide themselves socially, and probably has the most saving graces out of anything deemed “cool” by these people. However, the stuff that is the most universally liked by them purveys mostly messages of nihilism, self-obsession, and usury. In hip-hop or rap, this comes from constant references to and glorification of drug use, abuse of women, desire for sexual gratification, and social status. In genres like mainstream metal, alternative, “-core” music, etc., the messages are usually ones of destruction, domination, use of people, senseless violence, uncontrollable rage. In the genre of “pop”, which is increasingly becoming part of the broad hip-hop/rap category, achieving goals through sex and manipulation is a common theme, as well as one that seems to glorify absolutely frivolous activities. These are all promoted and played on the radio, and on music TV stations, by big media.

Movies: While there are many great films out there, the vast majority of them only really serve to take one to three hours of someone’s life and get them to produce absolutely nothing but farts and the occasional stupid comment the entire time. They also produce lots of themes of self-obsession, usury, and nihilism, accompanied by a frequent linking between sexuality and violence.

Alcohol: You know you’ve encountered a real tool when you meet someone who can describe to you the exact volumes of every kind of drink he or she consumed at a party, and then proceeds to tell you that they can’t remember anything from that night because they were “soooooo wasted”. Alcohol makes you dizzy, thirsty, and more likely to do something stupid. If you come out of a state of intoxication declaring that you were dizzy, thirsty, and more likely to do something stupid, that’s fine. However, these young people seem to feel that (and advertisement doesn’t hurt here) there is something more to alcohol consumption than being dizzy, thirsty, and likely to do stupid things. It often becomes a reason to gather, and soon, aside from other [...]]]> Here, Grabass_Champion puts on his Social Commentary hat, and wishes to address a problem that is one of his paramount complaints about his society, all the while hoping to amuse you while he preaches. It worked for South Park, right? Being preachy but funny? Yeah. We’ll see. This is probably going to be heavy on the preachy part.

TL;DR for the whole series: Kids of the generations that will enter the workforce during the next ten years are (in the majority) nihilistic, self-obsessed, pot-addled shits with little desire to understand anything about the world around them. They are this because of the media, and because they’ve been brought up by the people who came out of the cultural revolution of the 1960s.

One day at work, I found a steel penny in the drawer.

“Cool! A steel penny!” I said.

“Hunh?” Said my co-worker.

“Well, y’see, in 1943, due to restrictions on copper use, they stamped all the pennies out of…”

“I didn’t want a history lesson.”

That’s what first solidified this problem in my mind. This vacuous female had just consciously rejected gaining an innocuous piece of knowledge. And trust me, she’s not alone, no. She’s the norm.

Why would someone refuse to learn something when the opportunity cost of doing so amounts to “time staring at the wall”? Is the wall that interesting? No. In short, staring at the wall is “boring”, but talking about history is “totally gay”.

So, let’s step back a bit. Who am I talking about? My indictment, broad and hypocritical as it may be, encompasses people who are at or near legal “adulthood”, born after about 1984. It especially encompasses those born 1988 or later, because I’ve noticed a significant difference in that generation and beyond even as compared to the drones that inhabit the one before it. Now the disclaimer: This does not apply to all members of these generations. There are a few winners and a whole lot of losers. What we’re finding is that a disproportionate number of them are losers, and even some that may look like “winners” are actually losers upon closer examination. It’s kind of like replacing a baseball team with a random sample of the population: Sure, you’ll get a few fit people, but you’re also guaranteed to get fat baby-factory women, WoW refugees, and heavy smokers.

This is also not to say that we’ve come from a particularly good place. There are an incredible amount of things from our past generations that we’ve got to be ashamed of. This is one of the first times in our history where institutionalized racism is at least kept fairly quiet, for example. So, in my previous analogy, we’ve gone from a team of seriously misguided athletes to a team of more subtly (but not really any less seriously) misguided heavy smokers, and paraplegic recovering meth heads with cerebral palsy.

The rest of this series addresses the nature of this generation’s intellectual impotence and postulates reasons for it.

Apathy

Apathy is really cool. When someone tells you something and you can just like, say, “whatever,” because you’re above caring about it, you reek awesomeness and will likely soon be given some sort of sexual gratification. Example:

“Hey, you over there, the volcano is erupting! Get in my car, I’ll drive you to safety!”

“Dude, whatever.” ::Turns to friend:: “Dude, they cared sooo much about that volcano. Volcanoes are gay.”

“Yeah, man, you got some dope? We totally gotta smoke up.”

The young person categorizes things two ways: Either something is “cool” or it is “gay”. They get these categories from their peers, and from the media. Things that are “gay” are usually also “boring”. Things that are “cool” are almost always very stimulating. Let’s look at a list of things that are “cool”.

Cool

Popular Music: Popular music is a paramount aspect of the young person experience. It is often how they divide themselves socially, and probably has the most saving graces out of anything deemed “cool” by these people. However, the stuff that is the most universally liked by them purveys mostly messages of nihilism, self-obsession, and usury. In hip-hop or rap, this comes from constant references to and glorification of drug use, abuse of women, desire for sexual gratification, and social status. In genres like mainstream metal, alternative, “-core” music, etc., the messages are usually ones of destruction, domination, use of people, senseless violence, uncontrollable rage. In the genre of “pop”, which is increasingly becoming part of the broad hip-hop/rap category, achieving goals through sex and manipulation is a common theme, as well as one that seems to glorify absolutely frivolous activities. These are all promoted and played on the radio, and on music TV stations, by big media.

Movies: While there are many great films out there, the vast majority of them only really serve to take one to three hours of someone’s life and get them to produce absolutely nothing but farts and the occasional stupid comment the entire time. They also produce lots of themes of self-obsession, usury, and nihilism, accompanied by a frequent linking between sexuality and violence.

Alcohol: You know you’ve encountered a real tool when you meet someone who can describe to you the exact volumes of every kind of drink he or she consumed at a party, and then proceeds to tell you that they can’t remember anything from that night because they were “soooooo wasted”. Alcohol makes you dizzy, thirsty, and more likely to do something stupid. If you come out of a state of intoxication declaring that you were dizzy, thirsty, and more likely to do something stupid, that’s fine. However, these young people seem to feel that (and advertisement doesn’t hurt here) there is something more to alcohol consumption than being dizzy, thirsty, and likely to do stupid things. It often becomes a reason to gather, and soon, aside from other intoxicants, the only way to have “fun”.

Marijuana: It didn’t start with our generation, the absolutely deplorable development of an entire culture around inhaling burning particles of a particular plant that makes one a bit silly, but it has certainly increased in popularity and glorification. Marijuana is enjoyable to many, but it, like alcohol, must be looked at for what it is. It incapacitates the user for a certain period of time, where the user is unlikely to be able to do anything productive whatsoever. The culture that has developed around marijuana is a key aspect of the destruction of our society. Oh, I know, it seems all “cool” and “chill” and “inclusive”, but it’s also very “unproductive” and “relativist” and “self-defeating” and “encouraged by the upper echelons of society to keep you inactive”. More on that later in the series.

Television: Young people can’t get enough television. Often, they will gather with friends for the sole purpose of watching it. What could be more enjoyable than inviting a friend over for an evening of sitting on a couch, hardly interacting, and watching a bunch of funny things, or a bunch of social drama, or a bunch of people doing shitty things to one another? That is, of course, what human interaction was created for, no? Television also guides the attitudes, morals, and goals of these people to a frightening extent. I’d argue that it’s almost as bad as being brought up in a hard-line evangelical family for one’s perspectives on life. It also serves to distract the mind from any productive or thoughtful activity.

Cigarettes: I myself had fallen victim to this one for two and a half years, but I didn’t smoke them to be “cool”. I smoked them at first because I was “curious” and then because I was “addicted”.

Petty personal affairs: People who spend a lot of time watching dramatic television shows and movies, as well as listening to dramatic music, want to make their lives as “interesting” and “crazy” as the lives of those in the fictional (or “reality”) works they consume. This means that the males will posture, rape, abuse, and try to control their girlfriends, and the girlfriends will rebel by cheating, sleeping around, using sex for other goals, and playing “victim” when they’re called out. Then, they (both the guys and the girls) all get on their cellphones and tell other people about how dramatic everything was, or blog about it on MySpace.

Cellphones: A phone is a way for the young person to avoid all of the “gay” stuff that’s going on around him or her. That’s why text messaging during classes, at work, or while driving is requisite for the young person. They’re activities that don’t really need to be done very well, in the eyes of these people, and being alone to think about things once in a while is antithetical to everything young people believe. Text messaging is an inexpensive way to communicate small amounts of information. It is dangerous when it becomes a lifestyle. Talking on the cellphone while doing certain things, like walking in the park, is analogous to stepping outside for some “fresh air” and having a cigarette in the process. If these people cannot enjoy the peaceful serenity of a nice day, then there is something very frighteningly wrong with them.

Sports: Sports amuses many. Following it is not a sin. Obsessing over it to the point of excluding other more important things is. How many people buy a newspaper for the sports section? So, it’s true, in most mainstream newspapers the sports section probably does have the highest concentration of truth, but it’s truth about minutiae. Did you know that soccer (“football”) was introduced to the Irish and pushed as a good thing to be interested in by the British when they had imperial control over Ireland? The British made it a national pastime in order to distract the Irish from any of the political goings-on that might have been, well, going on. I cannot stress enough that this is STILL the case. Ask someone who Sidney Crosby is. Then ask them who Sumner Redstone is. Trust me, Sumner Redstone has had more impact on your life than Sidney Crosby ever will, unless Crosby comes up to you one day and punches you really hard in the face.

So, that’s where I’ll leave this discussion now. At my next rant, I will touch on things that are “gay” to the average young person.