Put your shit on the correct side of the flag, Zambia. It goes on the left, near the pole, not the right.
Okay, flags of the world, listen up. A nation’s flag is supposed to be its unique identifying symbol, a collection of colors and insignia that define its people, what they stand for, and what they hope for. It is the banner that will brand their greatest accomplishments, it will be hoisted above their competitors on the world stage, and is the oriflamme they rally behind in times of war. Yet so many of y’all are pedestrian, similar, and uninspired. You fly behind the god damned presidents of the world, ya gotta shape up.
No joke, there really are Ethiopian restaurants. It’s just like going to a Catholic brothel or a North Korean car dealership. You may be asking, “What, do you go there, sit down, and starve while the world ignores you?” But the advertising for these restaurants says they are completely normal, and deny that the food will be brought in by aid workers.
As it happens, I have come to believe that several terms traditionally used in monogamous heterosexual marriage are inherently degrading to the parties usually yoked by their particular brand of bigotry and ignorance.
Yes, my dear loyal audience, it is nom de pomme, back from his tour of Scandinavia, the low countries, southern Austria, and eastern Australia with a new edition of Guide for your listening (read: reading) pleasure. In this edition, we look at the elusive meanings to some of the world’s most enigmatic and popular songs.
The siege of Greenland continues into its third turn as Blue forces continue their relentless push to unify the western world. Only three Yellow defenders now hold the American choke point, but the partisans have held their ground in a move top Blue officials are calling “soooooo lucky,” and “total bullshit.” Despite the gloomy predictions of both Yellow and Blue commanders, the Greenland Defenders have been victorious against twenty attacking Blues, including 7 ties that went to the defenders. Tan has offered military advice, saying Blue shouldn’t roll all three of his dice in light of the bad luck streak, but all military aid has been refused. Blue has vowed to continue its push against Greenland, but experts feel the European superpower has left itself open to attack.
So… I have a little coffee can full of coins from every corner of the Earth (truly a feat because the Earth is indeed spherical), and I’ve noticed an alarming trend.
Tell me what you think coins from these countries/territories might have in common:
Fiji
Canada
East Caribbean States
Australia
Hong Kong (Pre-China return)
As of press time, Operation Chinese Fire Drill has reached what seems to be its final resting place with the signing of the Treaty of Paris #82-B; all belligerents are agreed to a cease fire, even though no casualties ever occurred. And yes, this reporter just linked two interdependent clauses with a semicolon.
This is only possible because of the sheer size of the independently planned and executed offensives by the party nations, Korea (invaded Australia), Australia (invaded Japan), and Japan (invaded Korea), creating the largest non-allied multinational offensive in history, required the entire population and war machine of each nation to be mobilized and utilized in the attacks, leaving their homelands bare and uninhabited.
A recent poll by the Reuters news agency has found the overwhelming opinion of Americans lies in the ever present option of ‘cramming it’. When reached for comment, a spokesman stated that the poll was not subject to any bias and that they weren’t “just making this shit up”, and also that the large amount of data collected verifies the truth of the results, even providing this graph to that point.
Why American fighter planes are boring and Europe’s unwavering battle to make theirs likewise. A Lifetime original series.
As you’ll notice, whenever I write about the aesthetics of machines that strikingly contradict my commie-pinko notions on warfare (Namely that it’s stupid and doesn’t solve anything), I very rarely mention vehicles made by the United States in a positive light.
This is no accident. They’re boring as all hell. Barring a few examples I’ll mention in the followup to this article, there is an utter failure of the imagination about them that can never be rectified in my mind’s eye.
