1. I don’t rinse things before I put them in the dishwasher. It’s called a dishWASHER, people! Rinsing things is what it DOES! You don’t roast something over a fire before you put it in the oven, do you? That’s like parking a car in your bedroom so you can drive to the car in your garage. Now, it’s true that I don’t have a bedroom, but I do sleep in my car.
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The media has a tendency of repeating the same phrases for something: Obama “clinched” the nomination, Palin “energized” her base. But the candidates themselves are even worse, repeating and repeating some words until they lose whatever meaning they ever had. Sometimes it gets so bad that you just want to throw tomatoes at the candidates and tell them to go nurse their retarded babies. Or maybe that is just me.
Babies look stupid. When they’re really young, they have no control over their bodies. Ever get a muscle spasm? It’s a neural misfiring; your brain is not hooked up to its equipment quite right. Well, babies’ whole bodies are like that–they’re one great big, loud, pooping muscle spasm. In early childhood development, the brain spends its time taking in as much information it can about the world around it, and rewires itself accordingly. But before that finishes, babies look like idiots. Don’t you hate it when you’re crossing a street–a wide street–and there’s a lot of ped traffic, and halfway across, you recognize somebody going the other way, so you say hi, and they notice you, and start to talk to you, cause they have something they need to say, and this is a problem cause you can’t stop in the middle and you can’t go back because then you’d have to wait for the light to cycle and it’d be rude to the person you’re with and if you do that it’ll ultimately lead to them divorcing you and you’ll die alone and unloved
Commander Adama won Ohio, Rhode Island, and sort of maybe kind of won Texas. But despite her strong performance in that battle, the war looks every bit as grim for her as it did before. doctor_subtle, your nefarious scheme to turn all the writers against me will never succeed. Though you have convinced nom de pomme and Grabass_Champion that my various past selves killing each other was all my fault, I recognize it for what it is: a low attempt to destroy my credibility. But like Hillary’s attempts to brand Osama bin Barracks as a Muslim, it will never succeed. Point: Sin Sin, sin, sin. That’s all the atheists think of, and they even do it at least three times like I typed it. Atheists have been proven scientifically to be less moral than Christians (Source: Conservapedia), less charitable than Christians (Source: The Internet), and, fortunately, less politically-influential than Christians (Source: The Bible). They are a part of a massive conspiracy by the Gay Nazi Papist Commies to undermine our well-documented morality for ulterior motives we are far too busy to actually explain.
Yesterday was a fast news day in politics. Barack Obama had been busy, making stirring speeches, kissing babies, and symbolizing hope, happiness, and unconditional love. Mike Doyle of CNN woke up late, called off work, and logged on to MSNBC to see a plethora of stories about America’s favorite Hussein. “That’s odd,” Doyle thought. “These are all stories with a positive spin. And there’s a disproportionate amount of them for how many supporters he has.” Doyle then read through MSNBC’s entire Politics page with only a ten-minute break to Google Image Search “throatfuck”. “Huh,” he said, clicking back to his first tab. “I think there’s a story here.” |
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