My fellow readme writer and I had finished our production of Batman 3: Tom Cruise as Batman. I was thrilled about the first screening… until I saw it. Paul had thrown in a bunch of pointless porn scenes. I was furious. “Paul… you fucked it up, you fucked up our vision,” I said, shaking my head. “It was supposed to be a surprise,” he said. “I thought you’d like it. I thought you liked porn.” But what Paul didn’t understand was that now I couldn’t post it to Clunkline without fucking around with the way my ads display, due to legal technicalities.
“There is to be no more criticism of Palin’s record in the press,” said the McCain campaign in a strongly-worded press release. “Her record has nothing to do with her reputation as a reformer, and true attacks based on policy have no place in our politics. This nonsense is going to stop. Now.”
On August 3, 2008, John McCain became the first nominee of a major political party to be named John McCain. The historic moment was commemorated by fireworks, stirring speeches, and universally-positive press coverage.
“Brains will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the brains that we seek.” proclaimed Barack Obama, speaking at a convention held by the NAAZW, or National Association for the Advancement of Zombie Welfare.
According to the Associated Press, Illinois Senator Barack Obama appeared at a “Faith Forum” in Lake Forest, California with Illinois Senator Barack Obama.
It was the first time the two men had appeared at such an event. Senator Obama spoke mostly on his support for legalized abortion, while Senator Obama talked about the biblically-outlined responsibility for people to help those less fortunate.
Senator Edwards hung his head, shamed, telling the national media that they could beat up on him—he had already beat himself up more than they ever could. The media gleefully complied, pouncing on him like a mob boss on unmarked bills. America’s White Knight had fallen.
With gas prices as high as they are, unusual groups have begun to cut down on mileage. Take the Cain’s Dark Markers, a white supremacist group planning to travel to the Democratic National Convention to assassinate Barack Obama. They have rented a party bus to carry their membership from Alabama to Colorado. “We don’t like payin’ at the pump any more than anybody else,” said Jim H. Wallace, the group’s spokesperson. “Just because we’re racist assholes doesn’t mean we don’t need to save a buck here and there.”
A recent John McCain press release seemed to suggest that McCain was part-black. Observers cried foul, noting that this is an election year flip-flop from a candidate who consistently voted White when the issue came up in the Senate. Obama, who outlined his own blackness in a proposal drafted in October 2007, claimed that McCain was trying to cash in on record black registration, and said it was the “same old Washington politics with the same old Washington players,” even though no other politician in history has ever claimed to be black.
Following last week’s speech in front of the Victory Column in Berlin’s Tiergarten, German citizens became so uplifted and emboldened that they ‘pulled a reverse France’, dissolving and liquidating the democratic government and installing Barack Obama as the Chancellor of Germany’s Sixth Reich, which is just a modern copy of their second.
Pennsylvania is half enlightened East Coast state and half Rust Belt / Appalachia hellhole. Clunkline, located over the second ‘h’ in “Hellhole”, has a unique perspective on this phenomenon.
Depending on how many ignorant people the Republicans can motivate with their fear of Terror, fear of God, and fear of those who look different, Pennsylvanian elections are won or lost.
Louisiana Governor Bobby “Creepy Smile” Jindal is much-loved among the conservative assholes who have so far shied away from McCain for not being proud enough to be an asshole. He has run a completely non-transparent government in a state whose reputation for mismanagement and catastrophe rivals that of President Bush. All of this makes him a likely pick.
Joe “Iscariot” Lieberman is a Senator from Connecticut who hates doing the right thing. In 2000, he helped Al Gore lose/win and ultimately lose an election, and now he is doing the same for Barack Obama. Joe Lieberman, who left the Democratic Party for the Fuck the Democrats Party (of his own founding), endorsed John McCain, who gleefully added “Jewish voters” to his list of minority voters he could count on. It is still the only bullet point on that list.
