Hello friends and welcome to the second edition of the Cookbook series. This time, we will be looking at a couple of my favorite summer themed recipes and food ideas.
Lakeside Trout Bake
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In a surprise upset, wrestling announcer Maximilian “Maxx” Heavyweights won the Heavyweight title in the Thunder Mountain Wrestling Xtreem Championship, announced “Maxx” Heavyweights on Tuesday. Things started to go badly for the two contestants about halfway through the final match of the championship. Okay, so here’s a thought: There is no past nor is there a future. The entire universe exists only for a single instant and our perceptions of a past merely result from the configuration of the current world. Think about it, the only proof of the existence of the past is the configuration of current items such as the email your girlfriend sent to break up with you, the note on the roses you sent her, or the text of the subsequent restraining order. Aside from the deep and crippling emotional pain you live with knowing you will never find love again, all “proof” of the relationship consists of items in the present, items which can be duplicated without having had that “actual” past just as one could doctor your face onto her prom date’s picture and plaster it to the ceiling of your room. In tough economic times like these, we can no longer afford to eat lobsters garnished with panda blood and diamond sauce. Today, I walk you through some easy way to tighten your belts without also tightening your taste buds!* Here are some alternative recipes for your favorite foods. Real cheesecake requires expensive ingredients and gas-oven preparation. With energy prices these days, something had to change. Ingredients: 1 Oreo crust
I just got back from my 8th tour of duty. After the 3rd, they stop giving you tour guides.
In late 2006, a money grubbing O.J. Simpson published a book entitled If I Did It, a totally hypothetical discussion of how O.J. would have killed his wife and Ronald Goldman. This book caused a firestorm of bad press and was tragically recalled before it reached stores. In O.J.’s memory, I wrote a tribute to him entitled If I Did It, a discussion of how I would have killed those two people. This book was also killed before reaching the shelves, but that might have had more to do with my poor penmanship and general aversion to personal hygiene. But seeing as O.J. is about to go to prison for the next ten years, I though it an appropriate time to pimp my forgotten masterpiece.
Just now I was checking my email and listening to my iPod on shuffle, when a song I had not heard in several years came up: “The Village of Dwarves” by Italian metal band Rhapsody of Fire. A nostalgic smile spread over my face as the band’s lyrics about, well, a village of dwarves enfolded me with their mighty power, and I was reminded once again that Rhapsody is far and away the nerdiest band to ever walk the Earth. The inclusion of “Through the Fire and Flames” by Dragonforce on Guitar Hero 3 was the first exposure many Americans had to European power metal. I remember watching friends laughing at that song’s silly lyrics about the “flames of death’s eternal reign” and “fighting hard, fighting on for the steel, through the wastelands evermore.” Well, Rhapsody manages to be orders of magnitude lamer than that. The key is that Rhapsody’s albums all tell a continuing narrative called the “Emerald Sword Saga,” the most laughably, idiotically juvenile fantasy saga ever told.  Heralded by a deafening roar of thunder, a deluge of flames poured from the skies. The streets and rivers ran with blood. Grotesque beasts sprang up from vast chasms carved in the Earth’s surface leading straight to the depths of the underworld. And four skeletal riders appeared on the horizon, arriving to bring about the destruction of mankind. This’ll be my first corner post. I’m not sure yet how I’m going use this, so I guess I’ll have to experiment. For now I’m going to treat it as a blog, and for my first blog post I’m going to rant about one of my least favorite things ever: conspiracy theories. Personally, I think every single conspiracy theory is wrong. No, I’m serious. I’ve never seen any convincing evidence that any of these crackpot, connect-the-nonexistent-dots, shit-we-made-up “theories” is true. Let’s talk about the two big ones today: 9/11 and Kennedy. |
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