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Real Life Achievements

Since the invention of video game achievements have become increasingly popular, it seemed only natural to extend these virtual markers into the real world. This list is far from complete, but it’s a start in the right direction. How many have you accomplished?

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Wash that mouth out with soap! Sailor’s Tongue Speak 1 million profanities

Join Today: It’s Absolutely FREE, Plus Some Money

Before I started on the Plutonium Abs program, I was just a scruffy little weakling, just like you. I was overweight, at 4 foot ten and over 200 pounds, but yet I couldn’t lift as well as girls who only weighed 130. But just look at me now! I’ve grown a foot, lost my belly, all while gaining 400 pounds of pure muscle. I actually use most of the muscle to hold the rest of my muscles up. And can you tell I weigh 600 pounds? No! I look great, because I’m roughly as dense as freshly-milled steel.

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A Selection Of Some Of My Craigslist Ads

Missed Connection: Lady Working At Quizno’s

Date: 2008-07-02, 6:29PM CDT

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Living with Peter, the Awful Korean Part Three: Open Season

I returned Peter’s stash to its rightful (though dare I say unlawful!) place, and soon enough Peter returned in a similarly criminal manner. I could see in his bloodshot eyes that awful gleam of knowing. Like any good spy, I had returned his rifled-through things to their original places, carefully restacking the most casual of stacks, etc, and though any layman would have been none the wiser, something in those flat eyes knew that I knew that he was a fiend, both horticulturally and demonologically.

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The Navy: A Farce by Nom de Pomme

We meet our heroes, Lord Sir Joseph St. John MacJasper KGC, Captain RN of the HMS Unbelieveblydifficulttosinknoreally ( we don’t see the name till the boat pulls out later, it is written in a wide arc above the aft windows), and Midshipman Louis C. B. Smith Jonesington as they enter the aforementioned ship via a gang plank flanked by Marines.

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Smelly Places And Things I Have Encountered While Working For A Rental Company

This summer I am working for a party and tent rental company. I usually get assigned to tasks in the warehouse, but occasionally I’m sent out to drop off or pick up rental equipment. I seem to come across a more diverse range of smelly things and places while out on the road, but the warehouse has its fair share of odors as well.

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Nom de Pomme’s Travel Guide To China

1. Call everyone you meet “Ping”.

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Old War Stories with Grandpa Simon and Grandma Tanzy

My buddy Bill from Boot.

I just got back from my 8th tour of duty. After the 3rd, they stop giving you tour guides.

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Rise and Fall of a Sockpuppet: The j_wilkin Saga

Way back when the Forums were young, when farkle-farkle, nervestaple, and I lived together, when the grass was green and the economy was real, I made a mistake.

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Government Solves Lending Crisis with Loan

“This entire mess was started by banks giving out loans to insolvent people,” said Harry Reid in a speech on the Senate floor today in favor of the bailout. “The obvious solution to this is to lend money to insolvent backs.”

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Scientist, Alien Look at Each Other With Telescopes

Local scientist Ted Burdansky today had a unique experience when conducting some deep-space telescopy.

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Canadian Anti-Defamation League: Frequently Asked Questions

Believe it or not, plenty of people care enough about Canada to ask questions about it! However, there are many common misconceptions about what it means to be Canadian. Please enjoy browsing this page, which will sort out the myths from the legends, the half-truths from the three-quarters-truths.

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Out of the Archives: Rejected Writer’s Auditions: Google Adsense Bot

INITIALIZING HUMOR ALGORITHM……

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Swing State Profile: Pennsylvania

Why A Swinger?

Pennsylvania is half enlightened East Coast state and half Rust Belt / Appalachia hellhole. Clunkline, located over the second ‘h’ in “Hellhole”, has a unique perspective on this phenomenon.

Depending on how many ignorant people the Republicans can motivate with their fear of Terror, fear of God, and fear of those who look different, Pennsylvanian elections are won or lost.

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