Bingo O’Malley is a reasonably big-name actor with an utter contempt for TV, a penchant for high-status characters, and a connection to my local theater group, Scotch ‘n’ Soda. He came and did an acting workshop once, and somehow I wound up challenging him to do some kind of improv scene and see who steals the show. Stupid idea, maybe. Until the then-Artistic Director of my improv troupe told me afterwards it was one of the best scenes I’d ever done. Personally I think I’ve done much better but it got good reviews from pretentious theater people, so hey, who am I to judge. (It’s also some of the only improv I’ve ever done that has been recorded, so… there you are.)
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Today we bring you a taste of madness, a bit like the Ronnicles, but from the opposite direction. Rather than exhibit for your viewing pleasure a person whose reading moneys are grossly underfunded, we bring you a veritable plutocrat of words. I present for your scrutiny the works of Ken Warren, public librarian of Lakewood, Ohio, a Cleveland suburb. This man spoke recently at my college. He is known by someone who knows a professor, who got him invited. This man is mad. What follows is a series of excerpts from a paper he presented to his lecture’s audience, some of which is available online.
The English language is littered with proof of the stupidity of its speakers. We have plenty of proverbs that just don’t make sense. But those don’t bother me as much as the cruelly idiotic ones that don’t make sense, and are so easily fixed that it’s amazing people spread them around without realizing they are spreading the lexical equivalent of AIDS. If you say any of these things, I hate you. |
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