May. 11, 2008, 2:41 by
nom de pommeI like this one. Hah! One…two…GET IT???
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Mar. 26, 2008, 10:56 by
Tanzmetall
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| North Korea’s attempt to create a totally glorious national symbol resulted instead in the creation of a totally appropriate national symbol. |
“White Elephant” is a term used to describe an expensive waste of money that is kept around anyway because it is symbolic or pretty, like a decaying aircraft carrier, an expensive statue, or a trophy wife. Fortunately for rich men, trophy wives rarely look like white elephants. Unfortunately for North Korea, they’re not rich: North Korea’s white elephant looks like a peanut found in one of Big Brother’s most ominous turds.
The Ryugyong Hotel is the most expensive stupid thing I’ve ever heard of, after Paris Hilton, who is similarly renowned for being something you could sleep in but wouldn’t want to.
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Mar. 12, 2008, 5:59 by
Tanzmetall
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This is what happens when you buy this shit.
This is why we can’t have nice things. |
There are more shitty, useless, and expensive products on the Internet than I can read about—let alone review—in a year. This is the tip of an iceberg made of frozen dogshit and the decaying dreams of young children. But don’t worry, I’ve done all the work of finding the iceberg, knocking out your ship’s helmsman, and steering you toward it. When the metal rips and the screams start, remember that there aren’t enough lifeboats and that I’ve probably taken one already. You might want to rush to the railing with a door or something else that floats to escape the doom that awaits you at the end of this overextended metaphor.
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Mar. 2, 2008, 17:17 by
nom de pommeMarvin Rutiger Yeats of Cresthaven, New Hampshire has today finally finished reading James Joyce’s Ulysses after working on it for 86 full years. He is the first man in history to finish reading the classic of the English language known for its ridiculously gargantuan size of one hundred eighty million, five hundred ninety two thousand, fifty four pages.
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Feb. 2, 2008, 17:05 by
Tanzmetall
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| What part of this doesn’t look incredibly boring? |
Lots of holidays are retarded. Groundhog Day is the worst.
I don’t just hate it because it’s superstitious. Plenty of holidays are superstitious and founded on baseless idiocy. Halloween, Christmas, Easter… But I don’t hate those as much as I hate Groundhog Day, because Groundhog Day is superstitious and boring. All the evil spirits of hell coming to the earth to haunt and torture humans—interesting and awesome. Big guy in red has an unsustainable business plan—interesting and unrealistically generous. Guy gets nailed to a cross and poked with a spear for being abnormally nice—gruesome, but interesting. Groundhog Day is none of those.
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