Editor’s Note: Today’s article was guest-written by Tanzmetall(719), an alternate instance of Tanzmetall who somehow managed to get elected to the United States Senate in 2008, defeating Arlen Specter. This is especially remarkable since, in 2008, Tanzmetall was much younger than the age limit, and Specter was not up for reelection.
July 19, 2009
Well! Just won election after an exhausting recount. I was about to lose my Pennsylvania Supreme Court appeal, but at the last second, I ran over and poked a cancer pustule on Specter’s face. Thus angered, he launched into a curse-filled tirade about how Pennsylvania voters are idiots and how much he hates America. By state law, the election results were voided. Woooo!
Pool reporters were stunned Thursday when Mitt Romney greeted them on the campaign plane with his trademark grin—instead of Sarah Palin, whom the reporters were fairly sure had been the Republican Vice Presidential Nominee. Romney, attempting a Bluff check, smiled away most doubts that he had always been McCain’s VP.
Shoutouts. They’re a way of letting people know you’re thinking of them enough to let other people know you’re thinking of them. And all too often, they are misused. There is an increasingly alarming growth of people ignorant to when the shoutout is appropriate. To remedy this epidemic, I have compiled a list of when a shoutout is appropriate, and when it is not. Please note it with due consideration.
lol he says nukular wrong
“What?! That’s not… NO. No, you can’t go on national TV and say that. You just can’t. You lying sack of shit,” spewed Derrick Watson of Bridgeville, PA, at the television this weekend. “GOD DAMMIT! Now you made me spill my fucking Coke! I’m gonna fucking kill you, first the lies and now the goddamn Coke!”
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