Ladies and gentlemen, today’s economic crisis has only one solution: more Vikings! (Not the Minnesotan kind… we need many less of them.)
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In late 2006, a money grubbing O.J. Simpson published a book entitled If I Did It, a totally hypothetical discussion of how O.J. would have killed his wife and Ronald Goldman. This book caused a firestorm of bad press and was tragically recalled before it reached stores. In O.J.’s memory, I wrote a tribute to him entitled If I Did It, a discussion of how I would have killed those two people. This book was also killed before reaching the shelves, but that might have had more to do with my poor penmanship and general aversion to personal hygiene. But seeing as O.J. is about to go to prison for the next ten years, I though it an appropriate time to pimp my forgotten masterpiece. The worst thing about him is that he is fucking uncreative. We were attacked on September 11th. What did they call it? “September 11th”. We went to war in Iraq. What did they call it? “The War in Iraq”. In World War II, the attack that launched the war was called “Pearl Harbor” and “A Day that will Live in Infamy”, not “December 7th”. The Holocaust was called “The Holocaust”, not “That One Time when All Those Jews Died”. We’re headed, beyond any doubt whatsoever, for another Great Depression. Hopefully this Great Depression will be even better and greater than the first. And yet, reading Clunkline, you wouldn’t know it. Why? Because the economy is not just impossible to understand—it’s also mind-numbingly boring. As H.L. Mencken once said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.” I partly blame the excessive, ridiculous primary campaign, but this year’s election season has been too close, too long, and too dire for me to bear. I spend far too much time reading, thinking, and writing about it. And the race is close because people are too stupid or ignorant or apathetic to give a shit about it. What an insult to people like me who actually think about things. Harg Barg Burg was a good friend of mine who drew obtuse, mind-bending comics before he went insane. The last remains of my good friend are on display.
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